Glimpses

Chapter 15

October 23rd, 2021

While Rory had had technically some time to adjust to the way Logan looked these days - his beard, his hair being like something almost untamable, even if not quite the crow's nest Jess had had back in high school, she still observed him like a world wonder. He wore t-shirts not dress shirts these days, on most days at least, his present outfit of a light semi-casual denim shirt acting as a clashing agent between two worlds almost - the collar looked familiar, the material not so much. He no longer wore his Breguet watch but he had some type of a thin leather bracelet there which she didn't really know why he wore - she hadn't asked. His skin was rougher, dryer, showing signs of a recent tan. But the fact that he was here after all these years - in flesh and blood, his scent, his presence, his choice of words and his voice - all of him - it still seemed unbelievable to him, almost making Rory want to pinch herself to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

But the fact that Logan had just said what she'd feared he'd say almost brought Rory back to college in her mind. He always did have the nerve to say just what he wanted, this being a slightly more timid version of it. Even if he had not said it that directly, also hinting he was doing it to spare her, his actions always had spoken louder than his words, hadn't they? Rory had been pretty good at reading him - she always had. She had been now too - but this time it had felt like playing with fire more than ever before.

"Rory?" Logan asked, sounding concerned, pulling her out of the haze she'd been in for the past god-knows-how-many-seconds, a low ringing tone in her ears.

She'd felt like that before, and she knew what that meant. She had to tell him.

Rory began to say something, but the words just didn't come, her thoughts going a mile a minute now that it had caught up to reality again.

She, however, knew her options. She had even thought about those options in those ten-fifteen minutes after Logan's call and before he'd arrived at her house with coffee and danishes. But she didn't like any one of her options because all of them had the very real potential of leaving her hurt and broken again. She was already hurting just at the thought of it.

"I can't talk about it here..," Rory managed to spit out, looking around the sparsely crowded street, struggling to hold herself together. She began to move urgently, causing Logan to observe her worriedly.

"What? Why?" Logan asked, trying to find some good reason why continuing this seemingly innocent here was an issue. He'd expected her to run, cry or even yell at him - blame him or just tell him outright 'no'. He hadn't been naive enough to believe she'd just fall into his arms. He believed she had every right to be hesitant, he was too. But this had taken him by surprise.

"Because I'm going to have to tell you something, but I don't think I'm going to be able to do that without falling apart and I don't want to be the loony woman on the sidewalk doing that," Rory replied with perfect composure, but she could already feel a lump forming in her throat.

Logan certainly looked guilty for causing this reaction, and concerned about her words. Of course - who would want a reaction like that?

Rory was trying her hardest to keep it together. It was all Em's doing really that she had this ability, having lea. Fine - in part her therapist's too. She counted to ten in her head and then to ten again. She had learned the ability to hold whatever she was feeling in long enough so she wouldn't cry in front of her daughter. It had happened a lot after she'd been born. They'd considered post-partum depression but as she hadn't been suicidal or considered high risk to harm her baby, nobody had really wanted to do much with her. She wasn't a priority, especially since she was already seeing a therapist.

Logan, however, seemed to get the seriousness, and led her back towards his car that they'd taken to get here, having completely forgotten about their idea of grabbing some falafels. Rory just felt relieved he didn't say something like 'just tell me here, how bad can it be?'.