Glimpses

Chapter 82

February 16th, 2007

Logan had just surprised Rory at her crappy Howe Street apartment, coming to see her ahead of their agreed time, having missed her too much to wait a day longer. He still didn't like her living there, feeling like it was out of sheer stubbornness and his stupid words she was here in the first place. But he'd accepted it, knowing well enough to pick his battles with her.

After some casual banter - greetings and Rory explaining how she was essentially supposed to be watching a wrestling match right about now and trade notes with Paris later, they'd ended right back where they'd started - kissing. And the face Paris called Rory's harlequin romance face had hardly left her face the entire time Logan had been there. Having him in New York was so much better than having him in London.

But now she knew she needed to come clean about something, and her face already showed signs of guilt.

"Logan, um... I have to talk to you," she said, as the kiss broke, reluctantly, still in his arms.

"Sure, what's going on?" Logan replied, not liking the sound of this. She'd gone so serious all of a sudden.

"Well, uh.... Maybe, let's sit?" Rory suggested nervously.

"Okay," he agreed, and joined her on the couch.

"Okay," Rory sighed. "This is hard for me... to bring up, but... because of the whole thing that happened with Marty. I just wanted to tell you about it now so that you don't think this is a big deal. Or, actually, maybe it is a big deal. I don't know... That's why I want to talk to you about it," Rory rambled.

"What's going on?" Logan said, sounding concerned. It wasn't like him to be uncertain with his relationship with Rory - not recently at least. But as the past had shown - there were things that could rattle them - there had been his screw ups, there had been Jess, there had been long-distance, that whole craziness with Marty... and whatever this was.

"Well, maybe it's just human nature. I mean, maybe we don't want to be happy," Rory said, almost sounding like she was philosophizing. But this also raised Logan's concern - what was not human nature? Wasn't she happy?

"You're not happy?" Logan asked, nearly assuming the worst.

"No, that's not what I'm saying. I'm so happy," she tried to make it as clear as possible.

"Okay, good, so what's the problem?" Logan shot back, now feeling more confused than ever.

"Um, I don't know...," she hesitated. "See - I never thought of myself as a self-destructive person before, but I don't know - maybe I do have this weird self-sabotaging streak?" she pondered out loud.

"What are you talking about?" Logan asked, finding it rather humorous, though not completely worry-free, how she could circle a topic she was afraid to bring up.

"Well, the grad student who's filling in for my grandfather... I guess he's kind of good-looking. And I ran into him at the bookstore, and I told him I liked Isabel Allende, and it was disgusting!" Rory explained, not making a lot of sense.

To Logan she looked adorable, admitting all of this. So innocent and so ridiculously self-critical, there were fewer things this cute he'd ever seen her ramble about.

"You told him you like Isabel Allende?" Logan asked in confusion, along with a light chuckle.

"But it was the way I said it. I was all nervous and weird. I mean I Googled him after class. I don't know even know why. I just, you're being so perfect, and I'm turning into this monster.., " Rory fretted, finally coming out with it.

"You're not a monster," Logan calmed her, struggling to fight his laughter.

"No, I am. I am," Rory argued. "I just I think I got so safe... and felt so good with you that I let my guard down, and this beast emerged," Rory confessed.