Okay, this is the first of a four part thing. This is... This is not light, guys. I am a sex-repulsed asexual and I was having a pretty rough day a bit ago, so this was born. These are, quite literally, my darkest fears and insecurities.
TW- allusions to past abusive relationships, insecurity about one's sexual orientation
Word count: 386
It shouldn't be this hard. Karl knew that. It was really quite simple! All it was was two little words: 'I'm asexual.' And that was that! But it just... It wasn't simple.
He'd learned over the years that telling people only lead to bad things; to pain and heartache and hurt.
He'd like to think that Sapnap is different. Sapnap would never hurt him! Logically, he knew that, but he'd always been an emotional thinker. That's not to say that he wasn't smart, he was, he just tended to think with his heart more than his mind.
Sapnap had asked about his ring. His pride ring... It would be so achingly easy to just say it. 'Oh well, that one's just to symbolize my asexuality. It's special to me because it validates a part of myself that no one has ever wanted to accept.'
So why couldn't he SAY it?
"Oh," Karl fumbled, "Uh, I don't know... I just think it looks cool?"
Sapnap nodded. "Huh. Okay."
That was it? Karl glanced over at him from the passenger seat. He was taken aback. Some of the other people he'd dated hadn't accepted an answer like that and just pressed and pressed until he broke.
"That- That's it?" He asked, confused.
Sapnap raised an eyebrow at him before looking back at the road. "Yes?" He said questioningly. "Were you expecting something else?"
Karl anxiously twisted the black circlet around his finger. "I mean..." He paused and blinked a few times. "Well, I'm not used to someone accepting it just like that, I guess!"
Sapnap glanced over at him and Karl pretended to not notice the concerned question in his boyfriend's dark eyes. He smiled brightly and changed the subject, twining his fingers with Sap's as they continued on down the road.
Sapnap didn't pry, even though it was obvious he had more questions. Karl was grateful for that. Everyone he'd ever told had turned on him and, while he hoped Sap would be the one exception to the long-standing expectation, he was terrified that he would be proved wrong.
Of all the people he'd dated in his life, Sapnap was the one he didn't think he could live without... And he couldn't bear it if Sap turned on him the same way the others had.
(ᗒᗩᗕ)
A/N This is the shortest thing I've ever written! The next part is also pretty short, but the one after and the finale are rather lengthy!
Read with caution. This story is about corrective rape and trying to "fix" asexuality. Like I said, I was having a pretty bad day and needed some comfort.
❤️Al
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