Multi Fandom One Shots And Short Stories

(DSMP-KARLNAP) Tell Myself I'll Be Alright, Even If It's All A Lie (3)

Part three... Not a light one.  Better than the next one, but still not light.

TW- acephobia, nightmares, flashbacks to past assaults, vomiting, panic attacks

Word count: 1266

The nightmare almost shattered him. 

The entire evening had been spent snuggling on the couch with a Disney movie playing in the background.  Sapnap wasn't really paying attention, just scrolling through Twitter as he let Karl play with his fingers.

Karl had ADHD and was always pretty hyperactive, but Sapnap adored that about him.  He was such an excitable person... How could he not love him?  And besides, his hyperness was just a part of him. He wouldn't be Karl without his quirks.

Karl had his head in Sap's lap, watching the T.V. as he fiddled with his boyfriend's long fingers.  Karl always had his nails painted random colors, but Sap usually kept his solid black.  He ran the pads of his fingers over the smooth color, spacing out into his own world. 

It took him a few moments to realize that the movie was over. He came back to reality and sat up, making Sapnap look over at him. 

"You ready for bed?" He asked.

Karl nodded, yawning a bit and covering his face with the blanket he was wrapped up in. 

Sapnap huffed a laugh, pressing a kiss to Karl's forehead. "C'mon," he laughed, scooping the taller boy into his arms.  He ignored his protests and carried Karl into their bedroom, gently placing him down on his side of the bed. 

Karl flopped back, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders even tighter.

"Sap," he whined, "you know my legs still work, right?  Just cuz I'm tired doesn't mean-" he broke off in a yawn before continuing, "that I can't walk myself to bed."

Sapnap had rounded the foot of their mattress and let himself fall bonelessly back onto the blankets next to his lover. He rolled over slightly so he was facing Karl, a gentle but playful smirk on his handsome face.

"Yeah," he meandered, "but I couldn't help myself.  Sleepy Karl is just so much fun to tease!"

Karl opened his mouth in mock offense.  "How dare, good sir. How. Dare."

The two laughed together, both breaking off into jaw cracking yawns of their own before curling up together like they did every night...

The point was, Karl wasn't sure why he had such a horrible nightmare.  The day had been wonderful!  Him and Sap had had a great time, nothing was going wrong, everything was perfect.

Until it wasn't.

Almost the moment he'd fallen asleep, he was plunged deeply into the grasp of a haunting nightmare. 

There were hands roaming over his skin, touching and prodding, holding him in an embrace.  They started off gentle, tender and loving caresses that he relished and reveled in. Kisses were pressed to his temple, his cheeks, his neck, their lips trailing across his skin.

But then they started changing. They became more demanding, the touches more insistent. Karl tried to push the hands away, tried to turn his head so the pressing kisses couldn't reach him anymore.

But the touches were increasing, their range expanding to cover more of his body.  No matter how many times he pleaded and begged, the hands weren't leaving, the kisses were only becoming more heated.

Phantom sensations of memories he tried so hard to forget started pushing their way into his mind. Hands on his hips, forearms across his shoulders, legs wrapping around him and caging him in.  Weights falling on top of him as he cried and cried and the people on top of him just groaned in pleasure.

The voices started then.  Little things he'd been told over and over again started replaying in his brain.

I can fix you.

You've never been with a real man before, then.

I'll make you feel so good, baby.

You'll be begging for me to cum so we can do it again.

That's an easy fix- I just have to show you what you're missing and you'll never be able to go back.

Karl felt like he was paralyzed. He was crying, but his chest felt constricted like he couldn't get enough oxygen.  And the hands. They were still on him, still touching, still-

Shaking? 

"Karl! Wake up!"

His eyes shot open and he panicked.  There were still hands on him.

He sat up straight and shoved himself away, nausea beginning to rise in his stomach as he moved.  He had to go, he had to get away- away from the hands and the touches and the kisses, away from it all before it happened again.

He couldn't let it happen again.

He stumbled out of bed blindly- whose bed was he in?- and quickly made his way to the bathroom.  He fell to his knees beside the toilet and heaved.  Had it happened again? Could he just not remember?  What if it happens again and he's alone, alone with his head and the thoughts and the memories. He couldn't do that again, he couldn't survive that again!

He heaved once more, the dinner he'd had earlier coming back up and burning his throat. Tears were pouring down his face, his chest heaving as he cradled his head in shaking hands. 

He was aware of a presence behind him and he panicked again.  Who was it? Were they going to go hurt him? Had they already hurt him and the memory was just gone?

Karl pushed his back against the far wall, his arms shielding his head in case this person decided to hit him. Where was he?

He didn't know how long he sat there, shaking and sobbing as this person just sat with him.  What were they doing?  Were they waiting for him to be coherent again before they- they hurt him?  Were they going to hurt him at all? Could he get out of this place?

Eventually, Karl's sight began to come back.  He recognized the yellow towel he'd hung and the dark grey one next to it.  He recognized the colorful bottles of his body wash and shampoo, with the simple old spice that- Sapnap?

Karl looked up, taking in his surroundings. Sapnap was sitting on the floor next to the door, letting Karl have as much space as he needed.  His blue eyes were wet and worried, his brows pinched as he stared at Karl. 

"Hey, baby," he said quietly, "are you coming back to me?"

Karl felt more tears prick the backs of his eyes.  He nodded once and opened his arms weakly.  He didn't want to be alone anymore.  He wanted to be held, to be told he was going to be okay, to just be with someone he loved... Even if he knew it wouldn't last.

Sapnap rushed to him, gathering him into his arms and rocking them both from side to side.  "It's okay," he mumbled, "it's okay, you're going to be alright, baby boy."

They stayed like that for a while, until Karl was conscious enough to not freak out when Sap tried to pick him up. He was aware of being carried through the hall and back into their bedroom, gently being placed on their comforter. 

Sap's hands trailed through his hair, smoothing it back and away from his glassy eyes.  A cup of cool water was pressed into his hands, and he was lifted off the pillows slightly so he could drink some of it. 

Karl didn't remember falling back to sleep. But he knew that Sap would have questions... Questions he wasn't sure he was going to be able to answer.

He just prayed this little slice of heaven that he'd carved out for himself wouldn't disappear as quickly as it had in his dreams. 

(╯︵╰,)

A/N Here's your warning: the next chapter delves more into the glimpses of what you saw here.  It's... It's horrible, guys. But it's always going to be something that terrifies me to no end and I just needed a place to rant and explain and- and make up something that I hope never happens to me but I know is a real possibility.

❤️Al