Bucky Barnes X Y/n: I hate you, I love you

Chapter 37

I was sound asleep when I felt a sharp pain in the back of my neck and began to whimper in my sleep, 'Bucky', I call out to him but there's no response and I'm clutching onto my pillow to keep in control.

'Stop', I whisper and dig my fingers into my pillow, because I could already feel myself losing control and there was nothing I could do.

I shoot out of bed when I'm losing my self control and slide off of the bed, 'please stop', I plead and crawl to my side table, 'this will be easy', the other voice in my head tells me and I stretch my arm out and grab my dagger.

When I manage to sit up, I take no time after that to plunge my dagger into my side with no effort at all and gasp, 'I guess we both die here', I mutter and lean back onto the bed.

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My hand fell off of the wound after about five minutes, and I quietly whimpered and saw the door opening and looked up at him, 'Bucky', I muttered as he quickly rushed in, his eyes wide open as Steve, Loki, Fitz and Coulson followed him in, 'what the hell happened', he says as I tried to keep my eyes opened and he kept pressure on the wound whilst my eyes fell shut, 'look at me Doll', he says as I opened my eyes a little and put my hand on his cheek, 'I'm tired', I whispered after I brought his head closer and I leaned my forehead on his, 'stay with me okay, keep your eyes on me whilst we get you to the Medbay', he says as I looked back at him and then my eyes began to shut, 'Doll, what did I say, look at me', he instructed after he shook my head a little and I kept them open.

'I'm here, I'm not going anywhere', I tell him and open my eyes to see him smile a little and then take me into his arms.

I then rest my head on his shoulder, 'you need to remove the device at the back of my neck', I muttered into his ear as he looks down at me and rushes down with the others at the same time, 'what', he questions.

'Remove the device and the programming will be gone, they can't control me then', I explained as he put me onto the gurney, 'do you understand', I asked as he nods, 'I understand', he replied, and I kept a hold of his hand.

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I woke up and saw a blurry image of the team sat around, with all of them watching TV, and squeezed someone's hand when I felt it around my own, then saw Bucky when he got up, 'can I get some water', I ask with my voice braking out and I see Thor's hand outstretched to me, 'here you go M'Lady', he says, and when I take it, it takes me some effort to drink it, so Bucky takes it off of me and helps me with it by putting his hand under my chin, so no water ran down my chin.

'Thank you', I said when I took the last sip and he nods, 'do you want anymore', he asked as I shook my head and he put the cup down as I lay back again and saw their worry, 'I'm fine guys, stop looking at me like that', I said.

'We have to worry, and who the hell broke in and managed to stab you', Sam says as I sighed to myself, 'No one stabbed me, I did it', I tell them as they watch me and I watch their shock, 'what, why', Nat questioned first.

'I had to stop myself, when I'm vulnerable, like when I'm sleeping I get a huge pain at the back of my neck and Hydra take control again, I have no control over it, so in order to stay myself, I had to stab myself', I explained.

'Well don't do it again, the device has been removed so you don't need to do that to yourself', Nat says as I nod again.

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'Come on, let's get you out of here', Bucky said as I furrowed my brows and looked at him, 'where are we going', I asked as he removed the blanket from my legs, 'to lie down in your own bed, you said the gurney was too uncomfortable and I thought it'll be best if you rest in your bed', he replied as I nod, 'what about Fitz, he still needs to monitor me and I don't think he'll be too happy that I'm moving to my room', I said as he allowed me to drag my legs down from the bed, 'He was fine with it, I told him and he's set up everything you need in the room so you can sleep there', he implied as I smiled whilst he scooped me up bridle style and I wrapped my hands around his shoulders whilst remembering something, 'don't forget Emori and my flowers, I want them in the room too', I said as he laughed against me, 'I'll bring them when I've gotten you in your bed', he suggested as I nod again and put my head against the nook of his shoulder and he headed out.

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As soon as we got into the room, Bucky placed me on the bed and I watch as he places a throw over me and I smile, 'I like the blanket', I tell him, 'is it new', I ask and he nods and smiles again, 'It is', he confirms and kisses my forehead, then stares at me, so I hold his hand, 'please don't worry about me', I ask because I could tell he was.

'I'll always worry about you', he states and moves his other hand to a fallen piece of hair and tucks it to the back of my ear.

'Please don't do that again', he says next, 'my heart won't be able to handle it then', he adds and I nod and kiss the palm of his hand, 'I won't', I confirm.

'Would you like anything to eat', he asks and I shake my head, 'No thanks, I think I'll eat something afterwards when I do get hungry', I said as he nods.

'If you keep looking at me like that, I'll end up hurting you, I said I was fine didn't I', I questioned and I notice him laughing to himself, then shares a kiss, and pulls away, 'give me a minute', he states and when I nod, I watch him stand up and walk to the bathroom.

*Bucky POV*

'Fitz said I could change the bandage on your stomach, so I'll do that now', I tell her and wait for a response, but when I didn't get one, I'm confused and furrow my brows. Then when I returned to the room again with the fresh bandages in hand, I chuckled when I see that she had already drifted off.

I moved my hands on her waist and carefully dragged her down on the pillow so she was more comfortable and removed a pillow from behind her.

I'm then pulling up her shirt a little, carefully removed the bandage she had on her and cleaned it before putting the new one on and she wince when the alcohol came into contact with her skin whilst I pulled my hand back a little, 'sorry Doll', I whispered as she slept comfortably again and I started again, taking care that I was careful this time.

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Wanda made her something, so I took it up to her room, well, our room if she lets me call it that, and just when I headed in, I saw her awake and trying to sit up, 'I'll help you Doll', I said, putting the tray on the floor and taking the pillows from the chair.

I put them behind her, allowing her to become more comfortable, 'better', I said as she nods, 'better', she repeats as I kissed her forehead and moved a piece of hair behind her ear, 'are you hungry, I got something for both of us that Wanda made', I said as she nods and smiled, 'I'm starving', she says as I chuckled, went over to the counter, and grabbed the tray I put there.

She put her hands to the bottom of it, bringing the legs out and made a small click that they we're in place and I put it down. Once I did, she became thrilled, 'grilled cheese, I love grilled cheese', she says as I chuckled and nodded, 'I know, I suggested it to Wanda', I said as she giggled, grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards her as her lips met mine and kissed me whilst I snickered against her, 'thank you', she says after our lips parted and I nod, 'you're welcome', I said whilst she grabbed a slice and began to dunk it into her tomato soup whilst I laughed under my breath and began to eat too.

'I like when you make it, but this is nice to', she says as I chuckled again and nod, 'I'll make it for you next time', I said as she nods and I put out my thumb, swipe it on the corner of her mouth to get rid of the sauce there and licked my thumb clean.