Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

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Nick wasn't totally surprised when the lads weren't overwhelmed by the idea of Charlie joining the rugby team. They complained that he was young, he was small, he was skinny, that he didn't look like he could play, that he didn't even look like he liked sports. Then one of them said, "Everyone knows he's gay," and the others laughed.

Frowning, Nick looked around at them. What did that matter? Did being gay mean you couldn't be on a team? He wouldn't have thought so, and he was a bit surprised the others did.

As luck would have it, that was when Charlie walked in. Nick got to his feet immediately, smiling to cover whatever Charlie might have heard the others saying. They would come round. They would see that Charlie was nice, and funny, and they would accept him. Nick was sure of it.

"Hi," he said.

Charlie stood awkwardly in the middle of the locker room. "Hi."

Nick cleared his throat. "All right, lads, onto the pitch. Charlie, get changed and meet me outside and we'll go over the basics. Okay?"

"Sure."

Leading the others out, Nick started practise, waiting until Charlie came out and then jogging over to join him. They watched the lads scrimmage for a moment before Charlie turned to him with a distressed face. "I know I was joking about being weak, but I'm definitely too weak for this."

Nick frowned at him good-naturedly. "Where is your 'can do' attitude?"

"She left. Long ago."

"Just try. Tackle me. I won't dodge." When Charlie hesitated, Nick added, "Come on! I bet you can do it."

Charlie hesitated, then started running, catching Nick around the hips in a fair tackle, somewhat to both of their surprise.

"That was perfect."

"Was it?"

"Yeah." Nick got to his feet. "Now, let's try again while I'm actually moving. Come on," he added, when Charlie didn't seem all that eager to get up and keep going.

"I'm going to die."

"Well, not today. I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that."

Over the next couple of weeks, Charlie did not die. In fact, he kept coming to practise and actually picked up the basics fairly quickly. He was notably better working with Nick than when he practised with the rest of the team, but the lads could be intimidating, Nick had to admit. He was noticing it more now that Charlie had joined. They'd all get used to one another eventually.

It took them a while to get him to stop cringing when the ball came toward him and actually catch it, and tempers were frayed in the process. Even Nick's, although never Charlie's. He just seemed to keep feeling badly that he wasn't catching on more quickly. When he finally got it, the entire team cheered for him. Nick was glad of that—it was that spirit he'd been counting on. Eventually, Charlie actually managed to score a try against Nick, which surprised them both.

As Coach Singh had said, they really only needed Charlie as a reserve. Mostly, he wouldn't even be playing in the games. But it was nice to know that when he had to, he would be ready.

Nick found he enjoyed teaching Charlie—first the basics, then some of the more complicated strategies. He discovered as he explained them that he had put a lot more thought into rugby than he had ever imagined, and Charlie showed him how those strategies related to some of his more complicated maths problems. Maybe he was better at these things than he'd given himself credit for.

He had wanted to go over some of those strategies in the locker room after practise tonight, but Charlie seemed distracted. Instead of listening intently and offering his thoughts, like he usually did, he answered in monosyllables if at all.

Nick considered asking if he was all right, but he doubted Charlie would tell him—and certainly not in the middle of the noisy locker room.

He was behind Charlie when they left, and had thought about trying to catch up to him once they were out of the building, but he saw Charlie heading for the academic wing instead of going home. Nick felt a little foolish for worrying—what Charlie got up to really wasn't any of his business—but he did worry, for all that. Something wasn't right.

He made up his mind to follow Charlie, just to check everything was okay.

Once inside the building, Nick could hear two voices. Charlie and another boy. He went in their direction, the voices rising as he got closer.

"Don't be angry with me for not wanting to come out yet!" Nick recognized Ben's voice. So that's what that had been about in the hallway, then.

"I'm not angry about that," Charlie replied. "If you're figuring stuff out, fine. Take your time. I would have been there for you. Don't you think I, of all people, would understand you're figuring out your sexuality?"

"Then why are you angry at me?"

Nick nearly turned around—Charlie seemed to have this under control, and this really wasn't any of his business at all. But Nick knew Ben. He could get mean.

Charlie said, "I'm angry because you never even slightly cared about my feelings. We only ever meet up when you want to. Where you want to. When you feel like kissing a boy. You don't care about me at all."

"Well, it's not like anyone else is going to want to go out with you, is it?" There was the Ben Nick knew. And that's when he heard a scuffle, and a thud. He took a few steps forward, but he wasn't certain if he should get involved. It felt so strange to be standing here knowing two boys he knew might be kissing on the other side of the wall.

Then he heard Charlie's voice, gasping. "Don't."

"Charlie. I know you like me," Ben was saying.

"Stop it!" Charlie sounded desperate.

Nick couldn't stand still any longer. Whatever was happening between them, Charlie didn't want it.

"Charlie, I like you, but I'm figuring stuff out," Ben said. "Literally what more do you want from me?"

Nick came around the corner. Ben had Charlie pinned to the wall and was kissing him forcefully. Nick grabbed him by the collar and yanked him away from Charlie, shoving him down the corridor. "He told you to stop." Nick might not know much about what went on between two boys, but "stop" meant the same, no matter what. Ben stood there glaring at him, but Nick wasn't backing down—and Ben knew he couldn't push Nick around. "Go on. Piss off."

Ben left, and Nick turned to Charlie, who was wiping his eyes.

"You okay?"

Charlie didn't seem to know what to answer. "Did you hear all of that?" he asked at last.

"Most of it," Nick told him. No point in lying. "I just ... You seemed kind of like something was up while we were getting changed, so I ... I wanted to check everything was okay."

"I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry about."

"Sorry," Charlie said again.

Nick had noticed he did that. Any time he made the slightest mistake, or thought he had, he apologised. "You say sorry a lot," he told him. And then it occurred to him that Charlie would probably apologise for apologising too much. "Don't say it."

"I kind of want to say it."

"Don't." Nick chuckled, and they smiled at each other. Reassured that Charlie looked like he would be okay, Nick clapped him on the arm. "We should get out. We'll get locked in if we stay here much longer."

They walked out together, Nick stopping to pick up the bags he had dropped on his way in. Outside, they turned in opposite directions, saying good-bye.