Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Exam

Reenergized by his time in the park with Charlie, and by Charlie's text on his way in to school wishing him good luck on the maths exam, Nick was smiling as he approached the school gate. At least, he was until he looked up and saw Imogen and Ben sitting there together.

Imogen saw him and immediately ran over to say hello. "Nicholas! How are you feeling about maths this morning, because I still don't get quadratic equations, so I'm probably going to fail."

He stopped her, unable to let her keep going when he could see the path she was heading down so clearly. "Imogen. Why are you dating Ben?"

"What do you mean?"

"He's a dick. He's—he's done some really bad stuff."

"What? What did he do?"

Too late, he realised his mistake. He couldn't tell her, not without also telling her about Charlie, and outing Ben, and both of those were things he couldn't do. And without that, there was nothing he could say. "I can't tell you."

She was really struggling with this, he could see. Her voice trembled as she said, "I've known him since primary school. He's basically one of my oldest friends."

"Yeah, but—"

"And you know what, I don't actually have that many friends. But Ben is one of the few people who actually likes me. And he's been lovely to me, so whatever happened in the past, he's nicer now. And I really like him."

He felt terrible for even bringing it up. He'd meant to help, and now he'd only made her upset for no reason. "Imogen—"

"Good luck in the exam." She turned her back on him, returning to Ben, leaving Nick there feeling even more sick and nauseous than the prospect of the maths exam had already made him. Imogen wouldn't look at him as he passed them, but Ben did, and Ben knew he had won.

The gym was filled with single desks. Nick took his place at the one that was assigned to hin. When they were told to open the books, everyone else did so, but Nick couldn't bring himself to move. He sat staring at the cover, trying to work up the nerve to open it. At last he reached for the book, turning it slightly to the side, poising his pencil over it.

All around him, he could hear the sound of pencils writing, but he could barely make out what was on the page, much less make enough sense of it to begin solving the problems. His hand was shaking, his head pounding. He leaned forward, head in his hands.

Coach Singh came by, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder. "You all right, Nick?" she asked softly.

He straightened, nodding, and took a deep breath. Knowing she was watching him, concerned, helped him focus a little, not wanting to draw attention to himself. But it still felt like swimming through glue, every stroke of the pencil feeling so hard-won.

By the time the exam was over, he felt so drained he could barely nod at Coach Singh, and he skipped out entirely on the post-exam wrap-up where everyone talked over the problems. He just went home, showered, and played with his dog. On the way, he texted Charlie to say it had been awful, trying to make light of it, trying not to communicate the sick feeling in his stomach that said he had failed utterly and would have to repeat year 11.

He had just finished a quick snack after taking Nellie out when the doorbell rang, and to his surprise and delight, he found Charlie on his doorstep. "You snuck out again? You'll be in so much trouble with your mum."

"I'm here to cheer you up after your terrible exam."

Nick reached for him, so grateful for his supportive boyfriend, holding him tight and pulling him into the house. He kicked the door shut behind them and lifted Charlie off the ground. "Let's go to my room."

Charlie made no objection to being dragged up the stairs, or to being kissed as soon as they were safely alone. They decided to watch a movie. They were up to Iron Man 3 in their Marvel Cinematic Universe retrospective, although Nick had his doubts that Charlie had really enjoyed any of them so far. Still ... neither of them was up for anything mentally stimulating at the moment.

At some point during the movie, Nick noticed that Charlie, his head pillowed on Nick's chest, had gone suspiciously quiet. He shifted slightly to look into his face, and Charlie lifted his head, looking sleepy and adorable. "Did I fall asleep?"

"Are you tired, or is this movie just really boring?"

"I did warn you I'm not a fan of Marvel movies."

Nick was pretty sure Charlie had fallen asleep during every one of them. He was also pretty sure he didn't mind watching a movie while his boyfriend slept in his arms. He paused the movie and closed his laptop. "Do you want something to eat? I could make us some dinner."

"No. I'll have something when I get home. I'd love a cup of tea, though."

"You're such an old man," Nick said, laughing. He ran down the stairs, still smiling, thinking how amazing it was that just a little bit of time with Charlie made the day seem so much better.

By now, he knew just how Charlie liked his tea, and he took pleasure in making it exactly right. A perfect cup of tea wasn't much in comparison to the support and encouragement Charlie always gave him, but it was what he had to offer at the moment.