Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Brother

Nick's contentment lasted about halfway up the stairs, until he heard David's voice, and then Charlie's, and everything inside him that had relaxed while Charlie was here tensed again.

"We're in the same form at school," Charlie was explaining as Nick neared the door to his room.

"David."

His brother, in Nick's room where he was expressly forbidden to be, turned to him. "There he is. Um ... I was just getting acquainted with, um ... with Charlie here."

"Yeah, well, uh, we're busy, so you can go away now." He put the cups of tea down and looked at Charlie, his back to David. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"I just ..." David was on his way out, but he paused in the doorway for his parting shot. "I just wanted to meet the guy that, you know, turned my little brother gay."

Nick turned, unable to believe what he had just heard. How did David know? Why did he think this was any of his business? Why did he want Nick to think he cared, even the slightest bit, about anything Nick did? "What?"

"I mean, I should've always known you'd turn out to be gay, really."

Well, however he'd found out, it had happened, and Nick was going to have to face his brother's attitude head-on. He folded his arms across his chest. "I'm bi, actually. And so what?"

"'I'm bi, actually,'" David mocked him. "So ... look, if you're going to be gay, at least admit you're gay."

Nick sighed. This was none of David's business. He charged at his brother, sweeping him out of his room. "See, this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you!"

"Too late now!"

"This is ridiculous."

"What? I'm not allowed to be skeptical?"

What had given David the impression he had any right to an opinion, Nick couldn't fathom. "No! You're not! I knew you would be like this!"

"Like what?"

"Like a homophobic prick!"

"Boys, what is going on?" Their mum appeared round the corner, frowning at them. She hated when they fought, Nick knew she did, but he couldn't let this go.

"Why did you tell him about Charlie?"

"I didn't, darling."

"Mum didn't tell me. You left a picture of you two kissing on your bedroom wall."

"Why do you keep going in my room?" Nick exploded.

"Come on! Mum, he's saying he's bi. I mean, what a load of absolute bullshit."

"David, please don't swear."

Nick couldn't believe that was the part of this she was focusing on.

"He—he can't even admit he's gay! I mean, I bet you haven't told Dad yet, have you?"

He had not, in fact, even considered it, and the idea that David might—probably would, in fact—go running off to tell him had Nick in a cold sweat.

David snorted. "Oh, my God. Imagine what Dad's going to say."

Nick hadn't the faintest idea what their father would say. And it was still none of David's business. "He's such— He's such a dick!" he said to his mum.

"I'm just being realistic."

"Boys, that is enough." His mum rarely spoke that sharply to either of them. "David, in the kitchen now."

Charlie had come downstairs, and he and Nick stood there and listened to Nick's mum and brother arguing over him in the kitchen.

"Should I go home?" Charlie asked softly.

Nick didn't want him to go. Or, rather, he wanted both of them to go. Somewhere quiet where they could be alone and no one would bother them. But the truth was the evening was ruined. David would sulk, and their mum would be upset and start cleaning as though the argument lurked in every corner of the house like cobwebs, and Nick felt sick to his stomach and unsettled. The Nelson house wasn't a place for Charlie. Not tonight. "Yeah."

He walked Charlie to the door. David and his mum were still fighting in the kitchen.

As Charlie stopped on the doorstep to look at him, Nick said, "I'm sorry."

Charlie clearly didn't know what to say, and Nick didn't know, either.

"I'll text you later, okay?"

"Yeah. It's fine."

Charlie always said that, whether it was fine or not. In this case, it most definitely was not. But Nick was barely holding himself together. As much as he wanted to comfort Charlie, to reassure him, he didn't have the energy.

For the first time in a long while, he let Charlie go without a kiss, or a hug, or even a "Bye". He just stepped back and closed the door, muttering "sorry" again as he did so.

The argument had mostly wound down when Nick came to the kitchen door. "That was so unnecessary."

"I'm sorry, all right? I'm so sorry I hurt your little friend's feelings." David sneered at him.

"Charlie is my boyfriend. And that's not going to change, so whatever your problem is, get over it." Nick felt dizzy and sick, but he wanted David to know he was not going to be pushed around any longer.

"Whatever." David pushed past Nick and left the kitchen.

His mum said, "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry I thought you told him. I should have known you wouldn't."

"I didn't know he'd been snooping round your room, or I'd have told him off about it before now."

Nick put his arms round her, resting his head on her shoulder and closing his eyes. "I wish he'd gone to Dad's."

"It might be a good chance for the two of you to get to know each other better."

He gave a short, bitter laugh. Every time he thought his big brother might actually be interested in his life, David pulled something like this. "Because that went so well just now."

"I know. I always think this time things will be different."

Nick didn't want to admit he did, too. It made him feel so foolish. "Well ... maybe they will, someday."

Sarah pulled back to look at him. "I'm sorry Charlie had to see that. Is he all right?"

"I think so."

"Are you all right?"

Nick shrugged. He wasn't, but there was nothing he could do to fix any of it. "I suppose. I'm just so tired. And today was only the first exam. And Charlie hasn't done any of his coursework, so we still can't see each other. He won't be able to keep sneaking over here forever."

"If there's anything I can do, Nicky ..."

"I know, Mum. Thanks." He gave her a final squeeze. "I think I'm just going to go to bed."

"All right. Sweet dreams, sweetheart."

He appreciated the sentiment, but he doubted they'd be any such thing.