Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Dance

Where had Charlie gone? He couldn't have left the party, could he? Panicked, Nick turned to start trying to find him, but was stopped by Harry's voice behind him.

"Hey, look who's by himself. Nick! Where you going?"

Nick turned back to see Harry and the rest of the boys all laughing. He couldn't believe how rude they were. How had he never noticed that before? In comparison with the conversation with Tara, which he had quite enjoyed and had given him new things to think about, these boys he had been friends with for so long seemed to have nothing to offer but empty laughter. Most of them just went along with whatever Harry said. Well, Nick didn't need to be part of that. Not now. "I'm just going to go find Charlie."

"What, that nerdy little year 10? Why do you even hang out with him?"

"He's my friend."

"But why? Do you just feel sorry for him 'cause he's gay?"

Nick frowned as all the other boys laughed. "What?"

"Oh, my God, no! Wait, wait." Harry turned to the others and back to Nick. "Do you think he has a crush on you?"

Nick honestly couldn't believe how terrible they were. Had they always been like this, or was it because they were at a party?

Harry didn't give it up. "Oh, my God, how sad."

He couldn't stand here and not speak up any longer. "That's homophobic, Harry."

"Come on, mate," Harry said nervously, glancing at all the others to back him up.

Nick looked at him, wondering why he had ever been friends with this insensitive idiot to begin with. "And I really don't like you," he said, realizing that it was true even as he said it. He turned to walk away, adding over his shoulder, "Happy birthday."

Alone, Nick made his way up to the balcony overlooking the dance floor, searching the crowded room for Charlie. He thought about Tara, and how happy she and her girlfriend seemed. Tara had been straight once—he knew, because she had kissed him. And now she wasn't. So maybe it was okay to be a different person than you thought you were, to ... think of yourself in new ways, to think of other people in ways you had never imagined.

When he couldn't find Charlie from the balcony, Nick went searching for him everywhere he could think of, eventually finding himself back on the dance floor, winding through the dancers. Out of the middle of the crowd, he heard his name called, and turned to see Imogen rushing toward him, a bright smile on her face. She caught him by the shoulders. "Come dance with me!"

"I can't dance." Which was an excuse to get away, but also completely true.

Imogen held on to his neck, anyway. "I don't care." She took his hands and danced on her own, while he stood there awkwardly, trying to find a polite way out of the situation.

"Sorry, I have to go," he said at last. "I was just looking for someone."

She clung to him. "No! Stay with me. I want to hang out with you." After a moment, she asked, "Do you like me?"

Nick hadn't been prepared for that question at all. "What?"

Imogen stood up on her tiptoes and spoke into his ear. "I really like you, Nick." She leaned back and looked at him, waiting for a response. When he stood frozen, not knowing what to say, she added, "You don't have to reply right now. I just wanted you to know."

"Okay. Um ... I'm going to go find my friend." And he left her there on the dance floor, feeling bad about it but needing to find Charlie so much he couldn't think properly about anything else.

He didn't find Charlie on the dance floor, but he did catch sight of Tara and her girlfriend dancing. Without intending to, Nick stopped to watch them. They looked so happy. And while he watched, they leaned into each other and kissed, right in the middle of the dance floor. Two girls, kissing each other in public, openly, and no one seemed to notice or care. And they were happy, clearly having the time of their lives together.

So you could be a real person, someone he knew, and be straight, and then be gay, and you could be happy. It was like a curtain had been pulled open in front of him, showing him a whole new path he had never known was there, a path that he suddenly understood he could take—if he wanted to.

Nick turned, searching the crowd desperately. He needed to find Charlie, right now.

And as luck would have it, he did. Sitting alone, on a sofa in a corner of the room. Nick pushed his way through the people between them, taking the seat next to Charlie. "Hi."

Charlie turned to him, smiling. "Hi."

"You left." He sounded as lost as he had felt when he noticed Charlie was gone, Nick thought, but Charlie didn't seem to notice.

"Sorry," he said. "I ... I felt like I was in the way. And your year 11 friends are kind of intimidating."

"Yeah." Intimidating was a generous word for what they were. "I don't know if I want to hang out with those guys anymore. I'd rather hang out with you, anyway."

Charlie started to smile, then he looked away and said the last thing Nick was expecting to hear. "So, I just ran into Ben."

"Ben?" Nick froze. Charlie couldn't have gone back with Ben, could he? He wouldn't do that. Not after what had happened between them. Or—had Ben hurt Charlie again?

But Charlie seemed okay. "Yeah. I mean ... I dealt with it? He tried to, like, apologize for what happened, but I pushed him into the wall and told him to go away. I think he got the message this time."

Nick was filled with relief, but also with admiration for Charlie's bravery. After what had happened before, to be able to stand up for himself against someone who had treated him the way Ben had ... Nick put his hand on Charlie's. "I'm so proud!"

"Shut up," Charlie said, but he was smiling.

Nick sat there, holding Charlie's hand in the middle of this party, not wanting to let go, and was aware that a decision had been made without him entirely realising it, that he could not seem to be with Charlie and not touch him. Hold his hand, hug him, maybe ... maybe more.

Suddenly, he resented the crowded party. He just wanted to be alone with Charlie, to—well, he didn't know what, but he couldn't find out among all these people. Surely somewhere in his hotel was a place they could be by themselves.

"It's kind of noisy in here, isn't it?" he said abruptly.

"Yeah."

"Should we go somewhere quieter again?"

Charlie smiled at him. "Okay."

Nick got up, still holding Charlie's hand. "Come on." He led him through the crowd and to the door and into the stairwell. "You want to race?"

"Oh, you want to race me?"

Remembering too late how fast Charlie was, Nick regretted the question. "No, no."

"You want to race?" Charlie took off up the stairs, and Nick pounded after him, trying to keep up. "Come on!"

"Wait, stop!" He wasn't going to be able to hold this pace very long, not up endless stairs. "You're going too fast! Slow down!"

"Come on!" Charlie kept going up and up the stairs, and dashed down a corridor, Nick trying to keep up as best he could.

"I'm dying!" he called out.

Charlie laughed. "It's 'cause you're old!"

At last he ducked into a room off the corridor. Nick followed, and they found themselves alone together, so far from the party that Nick could barely hear the pounding bass from the dance floor.