Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Trouble

Charlie was putting the balls away when Nick came into the storage with the stack of cones. "Still couldn't come out to any of them."

"Nick, it's fine. There's no deadline."

Maybe not, but there had been a promise, and the clock was ticking on its fulfillment. "I know, but it's just annoying when people think we're, like ..."

"Best bros?" Charlie made a fist and punched Nick lightly on the arm, and they both laughed.

"I'm going to tell some of the rugby guys, at least. After exams. If I don't come out at school soon, we're probably going to get found out anyway." Some part of him wished they would, so he wouldn't have to constantly try—and fail—to make the choice.

"Because you keep wanting to kiss at school."

Pretty much. Nick wanted to kiss Charlie at basically any given moment. Like right now, for example. He smiled. "Uh, I think you're also to blame for that."

"Don't know what you mean," Charlie said loftily, moving past Nick toward the door. "I have never initiated a kiss at school."

"Oh, really?" He caught Charlie's hand, pulling him back. "So what about the changing room?"

"That didn't count."

"Or the English room?"

"You kissed me first!"

They were drawing closer together, the familiar excitement of the moments just before a kiss washing away the stresses of the past few days. "Or what about the—"

Charlie kissed him. "Fine. You win."

Nick grinned. He loved winning. He took Charlie's face in his hands, kissing him, backing him up until he was pressed against the shelving, both of them kissing like this wasn't the rugby storage.

But it was the rugby storage, and the door burst open, Coach Singh saying, "Boys, I need ..."

They moved apart immediately, and the three of them stood there staring at each other. Coach Singh started to say something, started to leave, then took a breath, nodded, and said, "Nick, my office, please. Soon as you've changed."

"Coach Singh—" Charlie began, but she had already ducked out. "I hope you're not in trouble."

Nick took his hand. "Worth it."

"Still ..."

He changed and went to her office, Charlie waiting outside for him. "You wanted to see me, Miss?"

"Come and sit down, Nick."

He put his bags down and took the seat across the desk from her.

She leaned over, looking at him intently. "I appointed you captain last year because you were the only one who could make these boys into a team. But this term, I've sensed some distance has grown between you and most of the lads. I don't want to make any assumptions, but I assume this has something to do with it."

Reluctantly, he nodded. "I guess so."

"If any of the lads say anything out of line, you tell me immediately, all right?"

That was not at all what he had expected. "Y-yeah," he stammered in surprise. "Yeah, I will."

"When I was at uni, things were pretty bad," Coach Singh told him. "And that was in women's rugby. Lots of lesbians in women's rugby. That's how I met my wife." She gestured at a photo on her desk, of her with a tall woman in a rugby uniform. "I remember what it was like, telling all my friends. Some took it better than others." She smiled at him.

Nick was surprised; somehow, it had never occurred to him that his teachers had been teenagers once, too, and been through the same things he and his friends were experiencing. With a sense of relief, he said, "None of the guys know about me, so, um ..."

"Well, you don't owe them that information, okay?"

"Thank you, Miss." He owed it to Charlie more than he did to his friends themselves, but he appreciated being reminded that coming out wasn't for other people, and they didn't have to know unless he wanted them to. He got to his feet and picked up his bags.

As he was reaching for the doorknob, Coach Singh added, "And, uh ... maybe keep the kissing outside of team practise."

He smiled, and she smiled, turning her head away.

Charlie stood up when Nick exited the room. "Everything okay?"

"Very okay. She said ... she said if anyone gave us any trouble, to tell her right away."

"She said that? Coach Singh is pretty cool."

"Yeah. Yeah, she is." He bumped Charlie's shoulder with his. "And she said you have to stop kissing me during practises."

"That was your fault and you know it."

"Can I help it if you want to kiss me all the time?"

Charlie smiled at him, that shy smile that said he really did want to, and Nick wished they could just go back to one of their rooms and spend the whole afternoon together, kissing and playing games and lying there not talking, and having silly conversations about nothing—

"How much longer till the end of term?"

"Too long."

"How long until your mum decides you've stayed way too late at rugby practise?"

Charlie sighed. "Not nearly long enough."

"I miss you so much." It was a silly thing to say; they were standing next to each other right now.

But Charlie knew what he meant. "Me, too. You going to be okay, going home?"

Nick nodded. "David's ignoring me now. Apparently it's my fault Mum yelled at him. How about you? Coursework going okay?"

"Fine."

He wondered. 'Fine' was Charlie's answer to everything. But Nick was beginning to pick up on the fact that Charlie said 'fine' when he wanted to avoid answering. "Can I help?"

Charlie chuckled. "Thanks, but I've got it. What about you? Meet in the library tomorrow and I'll help you revise for chemistry?"

"Oh, yes, please." He dreaded chemistry almost as much as he had maths.

"Then ... I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah."

They parted at the gate, Nick already counting the hours until tomorrow.