Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Someday

Elle won the second game with a beautiful strike.

Charlie and Elle were in the middle of an animated conversation, Isaac already absorbed in his book again. Nick took the moment to go and sit down by Tao. At some point, they were going to have to find a way to be okay with one another. Tao was important to Charlie, and Nick had every intention of being important to Charlie, so they were pretty much stuck with each other.

Tao froze in place as Nick sat down next to him. They looked at each other sideways, neither entirely happy with the situation.

"Good game," Tao said at last.

"Good game."

Tao held out the chip basket. "Chip?"

Knowing how Tao felt about him, Nick had to give him credit—he was trying very hard to be nice. Nick accepted the chip, although he really didn't want it. "Thanks."

Then Tao looked at him, speaking very rapidly. "I don't know if this thing with Charlie is a joke or not, but for some reason, he really likes you, and you're messing with him. And I will not tolerate it, so consider this your final warning."

Nick wanted to defend himself, to agree with Tao, to explain things to him, and there was just nothing he could say that would make this situation better. Not right here and now. He settled on a simple acknowledgement. "Yeah. You're right. You're a good friend."

"I know."

Over Tao's shoulder, Nick looked at Charlie, wishing again that somehow he could be what Charlie deserved.

Shortly after, they scattered to the games. Elle and Tao hurried off to the dance machine, Isaac disappeared somewhere with his book, and Nick and Charlie headed for the grabber claw. Nick started off playing once, just to see if he could—but when he found he couldn't, it became a challenge, as well as a way to put off the conversation he needed to have with Charlie, and before he knew it, he had used up almost all his tokens.

"Last time," he told Charlie. Last time, he told himself. After this time, he would tell Charlie the truth about the date with Imogen, the way he should have done before.

"Uh-huh."

And then the claw came up empty again. "What?"

Charlie laughed at him.

"Okay, I'm almost out of money now." He looked at Charlie, who shook his head, his eyes dancing.

"Don't look at me. I'm not giving you more just so you can lose again."

"Fine. I see how it is." They both laughed, and Nick turned around, officially giving up on the claw game. They stood there together in silence. Nick knew he had to talk to Charlie, but it was so hard to admit how badly he had messed up. "So, I, um ..." He didn't know how to say what he needed to say, but there had been too much of that. Too much waiting for the right words. He had to learn how to push through and just talk to Charlie, or they would never fix this. "I kind of overheard you and Tao in the bathroom earlier."

All the life went out of Charlie's face and he looked down at his shoes. "Oh."

"I wanted to say sorry about the date with Imogen thing."

Charlie turned to look at him, his face pale. "You actually went on a date with her?"

"No. No!" Technically he still had it scheduled, but he knew now he could never go. It wouldn't be fair to either of them. He hurried to try and explain. "She just asked me out, and I was so surprised, and all our mates were watching, expecting me to say 'yes' and ... I was such an idiot, I just blurted out 'yes' because I didn't know how to say 'no' without embarrassing her and confusing all our mates. And then her dog died. And I felt really bad for her and ... I'm so sorry."

He could see that Charlie was hurt, and he would have done anything to take it all back. "Isn't that what you always tell me not to say?" Charlie asked at last.

"Yeah, but ... I've actually done something bad."

"Well, it's not like we're ... you know ... officially dating, or anything."

Nick wished so much that he could be ready to be what Charlie wanted him to be. He would have loved nothing more than to go find Elle and Tao and tell them, make it official, give Charlie what he deserved. But he couldn't. He just ... wasn't ready. The only thing he could do was fix this Imogen thing. "I'm going to make it right with Imogen. I'm gonna ... tell her I don't like her like that." It was too little too late—by not cancelling the date outright, not telling Imogen he could never be what she wanted him to be, in trying not to hurt anyone, he had hurt them both.

"Okay," Charlie said softly. He seemed to have forgiven Nick, which was a relief. But he shouldn't have had to. Nick should have been strong enough to make sure that there was nothing that needed forgiving.

He leaned his head against the glass of the machine, thinking how much easier all this would be if he had known Charlie six months ago, or a year ago. "I wish I'd met you when I was younger."

Charlie mirrored the movement, his eyes on Nick's. "Yeah?"

"Mm. I wish I'd ... known then what I know now."

Charlie leaned closer to him, looking up into his face. "No being sad on my birthday."

Nick laughed. That was more than fair. "So. Are you going to open my present then?"

"Yeah. As long as you don't mind."

"Well, I kind of want to see your reaction."

Nick handed him the bag and Charlie took the wrapped package out of it, tearing off the paper to reveal the selfie Nick had printed out in the frame he had decorated.

"I genuinely didn't have time to go out and buy you something. So ... sorry it's a bit handmade. That was just ... one of my favourite days ever, so ..." Charlie looked up at him, smiling, so happy, and for once the words just tumbled out. "I really like you."

"You like me?" Charlie repeated, hesitantly, his smile widening.

Nick smiled back. "Wasn't that obvious?" They laughed together. "Do you like me?" Nick asked. He knew the answer, of course he did, but ... he kind of wanted to hear it, too.

"Yes! Obviously!"

They laughed again, awkwardly. "Why are we like this?" Why had it taken them so long just to say that to each other, the most obvious thing?

All Nick could think about was how much he wished they were alone so he could kiss Charlie properly.

Even as he thought it, Charlie leaned toward him. "I want to kiss you so bad right now."

Nick looked around. They had been undisturbed here by the claw machines for a while, and no one could see them behind all the other games. And he knew exactly how Charlie felt. He looked back at Charlie and said, "Okay."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

"You sure?" Charlie murmured.

"Yeah."

Charlie stepped toward him, lifting his face and they kissed, softly at first, but Nick wanted Charlie closer, so he lifted his hand to the back of his neck, kissing him more firmly, even as Charlie's hand pressed against Nick's back.

They pulled apart, and immediately both of them looked around to make sure they hadn't been seen.

"Come on," Charlie told him, smiling. "We need to find a basketball machine."

He picked up the gift bag and hurried off. Nick stayed behind a moment to tap out a quick text to Imogen, apologising, officially cancelling the date the way he should have before, and asking her to meet up in the park tomorrow so he could explain.

As he followed Charlie, Nick promised himself that someday he would kiss Charlie in public and not care who saw them. Someday.