Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Same

As if everything else wasn't miserable enough, on his way in to school the next morning, Nick saw Imogen and Ben together at the table near the gate. When Ben caught sight of Nick, he reached for Imogen's hands and pulled her close for a kiss.

Nick was certain it was all for show, that if Imogen hadn't been his friend, Ben would never have paid the slightest attention to her. And he was afraid for her. Given how Ben had treated Charlie, how long would it be until he did something awful to Imogen as well?

Imogen waved and said "hi", with a big smile on her face, as Nick went by. Ben waved, too, but the look in his face wasn't happiness. It was triumph.

In study hall, Nick tried to focus. He really did. He stared at the papers in front of him, willing them to make sense. But all he could really see was Ben, out of the corner of his eye, pretending to study and actually just smirking at him.

So it was a relief as well as a surprise when Mr. Farouk called out his name. Looking up, Nick saw Charlie standing with Mr. Farouk. Immediately, he worried. Was something wrong? Everyone knew they weren't to be disturbed at their studies—if Charlie was here, that must mean something awful had happened.

But ... it was Charlie. Just the sight of him was enough to make Nick's day better. He got up and met him at the side of the gym.

"Hey," Charlie said.

"Hey."

"I told Mr. Farouk I borrowed your pen and needed to give it back."

Of the many things Charlie had 'borrowed', Nick didn't remember a pen being one, but ... if it meant seeing Charlie, he really didn't care. The pen Charlie was holding actually looked like one of Nick's. "Okay."

"I just ... haven't seen you all day, so I wanted to say hi."

"Hi." It was a lovely thought. But here, with all these eyes on them ... All Nick wanted was to pull Charlie into his arms and hold on to him and smell his familiar scent and then maybe kiss him a lot, and he could do none of those things in front of his entire year. He really couldn't even think about them.

Charlie hesitated, then asked, "Are you okay? With your brother and everything?"

"Yeah. Just, uh ..."

"This ain't social hour, boys!" Mr. Farouk's voice cut through the silence of the room.

"Text me later," Charlie said.

"Yeah." Nick returned to his table, next to Ben.

"I see he's still as desperate as ever."

"I told you not to talk about him."

Ben leaned toward him. "God, you hate me so much. It's not my fault he liked me before you."

"I hate you because you literally assaulted him."

Mr. Farouk cleared his throat, loudly, stopping next to their table. Without a word, he lifted one eyebrow, then jerked his head toward the room that had been set up for isolation.

Both of them got up, sullenly collected their things, and followed him.

"Right. I told you my rules. Now you're in here till the end of the day. I don't particularly care if you fail your maths GCSE on Monday, but I ain't going to let you disrupt everyone else's study time. Fix up, men." He turned and left them there.

Honestly, Nick might not have minded isolation, being free from the watchful eyes and ears of the others, if he hadn't been stuck in here with Ben Hope, of all people.

And, of course, Ben couldn't let it be quiet study time. Almost before the door had closed behind Mr. Farouk he was trying to defend himself. "That was just a misunderstanding."

"It wasn't, though." They'd both been there; they both knew what happened.

"I was going through some personal stuff."

"I don't care. You hurt him, and who knows if you'll do the same with Imogen. Do you even like her?"

"Sorry, am I not allowed to like girls as well as boys?"

Nick stared at him. Did he really think that was what the problem was?

"Does Charlie know you don't want to come out?" Ben asked.

"I do want to come out."

"Right. I'll believe that when I see it." Ben leaned back in his chair, while Nick hid his face in his hands, not wanting to be here, hearing these words that were all too true. "Charlie thinks you're this perfect boyfriend, but you are just the same as me."

Nick looked at the pen he was still clutching, wishing Ben wasn't right. But ... he was just the same. He had promised Charlie things would be a certain way, and then, every time he had the chance, he didn't do what was right. If Imogen hadn't spoken, would he even have told her?

He really didn't know. What he did know is that he was banned from seeing Charlie, and he was chained to this table and these maths problems, and his brother waited at home to disturb the peace and quiet there, and ... he was far from being the perfect boyfriend, and was stuck in here with the only person in the world other than himself who knew it.

His head was pounding, the black marks on the paper jumping around incomprehensibly. Maybe he could plead illness and get sent home. But with David there, that was only going to lead to questions and awkwardness. Even home wasn't a safe haven any longer.

Nick sighed and tried again to focus on maths.