Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

School

At last, Nick's tears stopped and he lifted his head. Charlie was still there, still holding him. In front of anyone else, even his mum, Nick would have felt terribly embarrassed for letting go like that, but not with Charlie. Charlie understood.

Pulling away, Nick looked into Charlie's face again. "I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know." Gently, Charlie wiped the tears off Nick's cheeks with his thumbs. "It's okay. If ... if you need time, we don't have to see each other for a—"

"No! No. The only time anything feels right is—is when I'm with you." It occurred to him suddenly that maybe Charlie didn't want to have to wait for him to figure himself out, especially after what had happened to him with Ben. "Unless you don't—"

"No, I do," Charlie said quickly. "But nothing has to change, Nick."

Nick nodded. "It does." He reached for Charlie's hand, his thumb gently rubbing along the back of it. "I can't be with you and not want to—touch you, and I can't ... I can't not be with you. Is that okay?"

"Yes. Yes, of course."

Nick smiled, and Charlie smiled, and they might have sat there smiling foolishly at one another for another hour if there hadn't been a sharp knock at Charlie's door.

"Yes, Mum. Nick's just leaving. I'll be ready in five minutes."

They heard her footsteps walking away from the door. Reluctantly, Nick let go of Charlie's hand and stood up, retrieving his wet jumper from the bed.

Charlie walked him downstairs. As he left the safety and comfort of Charlie's room and came out into the real world, Nick started thinking about what it would be like to actually be ... together. It was going to be hard enough to walk into school tomorrow knowing that so much had changed, without everyone else knowing, too.

"At school," he said suddenly, "is it okay if we, like ..."

"Keep this a secret?"

There was a look on Charlie's face like this was what he had been expecting, and Nick felt awful, remembering what Charlie had been through with Ben. God, how could he put Charlie through that again? But how could he come out, when he didn't even know what was happening to him?

Reluctantly, he nodded. "Yeah. I just don't really know if I can, um ... you know. Come out as anything."

"Yeah. It's fine." Charlie reached behind him for an umbrella and handed it to Nick, who laughed, as much in relief as anything. He opened the door and stepped out into the rain, standing on the stoop to open the umbrella before he looked back at Charlie.

"Bye."

"Bye."

He walked off down the sidewalk, the umbrella over his head. As he reached the corner, he heard Charlie's voice calling his name, and he turned to see Charlie running down the sidewalk towards him.

"Hi," Nick said in surprise, as Charlie joined him under the umbrella.

"Hi."

"Did I forget something?"

Charlie looked around. No one else was out in this rain. It was just the two of them. "Um ... yeah." And he curved his hand around the back of Nick's neck and kissed him. Then he stepped back, smiling—the most open, beautiful smile Nick had ever seen on his face. "Okay. Bye." He ran off, leaving Nick to look after him.

This time, Nick knew to expect the way kissing Charlie made him feel. And he liked it. He liked it a lot.

After all the fear and the uncertainty and the confusion, right now, all Nick felt was ... light. Light as air. Like he could float. Whatever else was to come, he was with Charlie. And for the first time, he knew for sure that was what he wanted.