Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Recording

To put the final cap on a truly rotten day, when Nick got back to his room he had a text from Charlie saying his mum had blown up about him sneaking out, grounded him for the rest of the term, and threatened to pull him off the Paris trip if she caught him sneaking out again. Since at the moment they were both living for the Paris trip, neither of them wanted to do anything to jeopardise it.

"you okay?" Charlie texted.

"No" "Not really" "I hate maths so much I can't wait to drop it haha" "I'm so sad you're grounded" "Wish I could see you"

He left the phone to take a shower, and when he came back he flopped down on his bed, utterly exhausted. After a moment, he picked up his phone to see that he had two new texts from Charlie.

"why is being out so complicated" "are you awake?"

Nick sat up. He felt terrible about the way things had ended while Charlie was here, how angry he'd gotten with his brother, the way he had let that affect how he was with Charlie. He typed rapidly: "HEY sorry about today, I should have told him sooner tbh"

"i'm sorry, this is all my fault for coming over" "i should have stood up for you against your brother"

He stared at those two texts for a long time. Charlie shouldn't have to be sorry—he had done what any good boyfriend, any good friend should do when someone was going through a hard day: He showed up. And Charlie should never have to feel like he had to be involved in Nick's family drama. Nick mostly felt like he didn't need to be involved in the family drama. David didn't feel like much of a brother at all, not really.

But mostly, he didn't want Charlie to take it on himself every time something went not quite perfectly. Nothing in life was perfect. Nick might still be young, but he was old enough to know that. He thought about texting, but he couldn't type fast enough or well enough to say what needed to be said. Instead, he lifted the phone and hit "record", and then sent the recording.

"Charlie, this is not your fault. I don't care what David thinks, anyway. I mean, it was never going to go perfectly with everyone. Coming out to my mum was amazing, but there are still awful people in the world—like my brother, and, like, you know ... when you came out. But I can handle it. I promise."

He wished he was as sure of that as he sounded. So far, he'd managed to come out to exactly two people—Tara and his mum. But that was his trouble, and Charlie didn't need to have to worry about it. Or him.

Charlie sent three hearts back.

The next day was better. No maths, for one thing. Rugby, for another. And a stolen moment with Charlie in the supply closet before school, to start the day off right. They didn't even kiss, just held each other, promising that they were okay.

Rugby went better than it had. Nick had recognised that he was a great deal of the problem right now, and he was trying very hard to be a better team player. No sense in bringing off-the-pitch issues onto the pitch, especially when this was the end of the season.

After practise, Coach Singh detailed Nick with Sai, Otis, and Christian to collect the cones, and sent Charlie off for the rugby balls.

"Good season, thank you!" she called after the rest of the players as they jogged toward the locker room. "Well done, you guys."

Nick picked up a cone, and then stood there watching Charlie. Only a few months since he'd had the crazy idea to ask Charlie to join rugby, and offered to teach him. Only a few months since everything in his life had changed so completely, since he'd fallen for the most beautiful person he'd ever seen.

Hard to believe how much better things were now, even when they were at their most challenging.

"Hey."

Nick turned to see the other three approaching him.

"Did you hear we're having a end-of-GCSE party in the woods next week?" Otis asked.

"Yeah. It's going to be wild, and you guys should come," Sai added.

'You guys'. So they just accepted that wherever Nick went, Charlie would be. That was a step forward. Maybe it meant that, like Imogen, these guys had already figured it out. But the spectre of the cinema still haunted him. "Yeah, cool," he said, turning away for more cones. "Maybe."

"Nick, man, we're not friends with Harry and them lot anymore," Otis told him.

"Yeah, we're sorry about what happened at the cinema. We should have spoken up," Christian said.

Nick turned to look at them. He'd been friends with these guys a long time. Maybe he'd held this grudge long enough. He didn't want to cut them out of his life completely—he just wanted to know he could trust them to stand up when needed. But maybe that kind of thing took time to learn. If something like that had happened last fall, before he'd met Charlie, would he have spoken? Or would he have stood there uncomfortably and wondered what to do?

Probably the second. He approached his friends, saying, "Thanks. I do know you're not like Harry. Guess it took me a while to realise what a dick he is as well."

"I seriously don't blame you for fighting him," Christian said. "I know you and Charlie are really good mates."

'Good mates'. Nick thought about kissing Charlie, about the way he felt when he looked at him or touched him. Good mates wasn't exactly what was going on there. But ... if that's what these guys thought, maybe making up with them was enough for now. Maybe it wasn't quite the right time to come out to them. "Um ... yeah. Yeah."

He took the cones from them and walked off the pitch for the last time this year, glad that at least they were ending the rugby season as friends.