Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Knight

Nick must have fallen asleep, because the next thing he knew Charlie was there on the bed, stroking his hair. He smiled sleepily.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"I made you tea."

Charlie, the old man, and his answer to everything. Nick smiled and moved over to rest his head on Charlie's chest. "Char," he murmured.

"Yeah?"

Nick smiled, thinking back to Charlie appearing at the bonfire like his knight in shining armour. "You told Harry to piss off. I enjoyed that."

"So did I. I'd do it again."

Nick lifted his head to look at his boyfriend. "Yeah?"

"I'd fight them."

That was the most adorable thing he'd ever heard. "You'd fight?"

"I'd fight anyone who's mean to you," Charlie said softly.

He didn't deserve this amazing person. Dropping his head, hiding his face in Charlie's chest, Nick said, "I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I said I'd tell them, but I couldn't."

"Nick." Charlie sat up so he could look Nick in the face. They lay on the pillows facing each other. "You have nothing to apologise for. Tonight just wasn't the night."

It was nice of him to say, but Nick knew better. Charlie deserved better. "I promised."

"What do you mean?"

"When we went to the beach. I told you I was going to come out, but ... I've just been finding it so hard." He hated to admit that to Charlie, of all people. It wasn't that he didn't want everyone to know how he felt about Charlie, but who he was, the way it would surprise people—he couldn't seem to get past that.

"You didn't promise anything. I think there's this idea that when you're not straight, you have to tell all your friends and family immediately. Like you owe it to them. But you don't."

That was what Coach Singh had said, too. And she and Charlie should know. They had both been through it already. They'd had it much harder than Nick did.

Charlie reached for him, pulling Nick's head back onto his chest, and Nick went gratefully. He just wanted to lie here and listen to Charlie's heart beat, the steady rhythm like the drums, so much quieter and warmer than the harsh noise at the bonfire.

After a few moments, Charlie said, "Maybe we should forget the coming-out plan for a while."

Nick lifted his head, startled. He couldn't mean that. Could he? "Really?"

Charlie smiled. "Yeah. Let's just stay low-key in Paris, and then it'll be the summer holidays, and then we can just be us."

No more constant worrying about when and how and to whom, just ... Charlie. "That does sound nice."

"Yeah."

Nick rested his head again. "You sure you're okay with it?" Some part of him felt this was unfair to Charlie, that he shouldn't allow Charlie to let him off the hook. But the rest of him was so relieved, he couldn't seem to force himself to push the issue.

"Yeah."

Nick closed his eyes, letting Charlie's heartbeat, his voice, the warmth of his hand on Nick's back, lull him to sleep.

He was sort of aware, later, of Charlie gently moving out from under him, of a gentle hand on his hair, a kiss dropped on his forehead.

Nick felt much better when he woke the next morning, assuring Charlie by text that he was fine, not sick or anything. He intended to spend the morning packing for Paris, before going over to Charlie's for a movie night with his friends this afternoon.

And naturally, David couldn't let anything in the house happen without his input, so he came in and started going through the clothes Nick had laid out, making comments.

The argument got loud enough that Nellie fled the room, and their mum came to the door to order them to stop. She shooed David out and took a look at Nick's clothes, strewn all over the furniture. "Would you like some help packing, Nicky?"

"No, I'm fine," he snapped. Then, glancing at the mess, he nodded. "Maybe. Sorry, Mum. You know how he is."

"I do. You know he does it on purpose to make you angry."

"Yes, but I don't know why. Does he like it when I'm mad at him?"

"Hard to say, really. What was that crack about being an embarrassment?"

"Oh." Nick flushed. "I mentioned that I might try to contact Dad while I'm in Paris." He hadn't talked to her about this; he hadn't even decided if he was sure he would do it.

"What a lovely idea. I think you should."

"He probably won't have time. He's so busy." Nick wished he wasn't so certain of that. His father always seemed to be too busy for him.

"You never know. He might surprise you."

"I want to—I want Dad to meet Charlie. I want him to know, you know, about me."

"I don't see why not, darling."

"You won't tell him, will you?"

"Of course not! This is your life. You can tell who you want, when you want. And if you never wanted to tell him, I would never tell him."

"David will, though."

"David will not." She sounded very determined about it. Maybe she could make David keep his mouth shut. It was possible.

Nick looked down at the mess on his floor. "They said to pack comfortable clothes. We'll be walking a lot."

"I think everything you own is comfortable, isn't it?"

"Yes. Do you think it matters?" Charlie always looked so cute; Nick wanted to look nice for him, so they would seem like they fit together.

"No, I don't. Charlie likes you for who you are, you know that. What you wear won't make a difference to him."

"And ... Dad? Do you think—do you think he'll like Charlie?"

"Who wouldn't like Charlie? He's a lovely boy. What about this one?" She picked up a green jumper from the top of the laundry basket.

"I finally got that one back from Charlie." Nick laughed. "You don't mind that he borrows all my clothes, do you?"

"Not as long as he eventually brings them back."

"I think it's more like an exchange. He left this one here last night, and he took the blue one instead."

David appeared in the doorway, hitching a hip against the frame. "Aren't your jumpers too big for Charlie? He looks like a stiff wind might blow him away."

"Did I ask you for your opinion?" Nick snapped.

"Didn't have to. I'm your brother, I get to weigh in on your dating life."

"And why is that, David?" their mum asked. "I don't remember you ever asking Nick what he thought about your girlfriends."

"I liked Scarlett," Nick offered. "She was nice to Nellie."

David rolled his eyes. "There's more to girls than being nice to dogs."

"Not so much as you might think."

"Anyway," David said, "I really came to ask if I can have the car, Mum. My friends and I want to go out."

She followed him into the hallway, and Nick heard them talking, then he heard the jingle of keys as David left the house. He went into the hall and found his mother staring at the door, looking sad, as though David had said something that hurt her feelings. He held out his arms for a hug, and they clung to each other for a good long time.

His mum pulled back and looked up at him. "I'm very proud of you."

"I'm just normal," he said, feeling like he hadn't done much recently to be proud of.

"You are anything but that," she told him. "Now, let's see about that packing, shall we?"