Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Crushing

The next day, Charlie came over to Nick's. He said he had to do some studying first, but it seemed to take such a long time, Nick couldn't help texting him to see where he was, until finally Charlie gave up and came over.

They went straight to Nick's room, of course, kissing, of course. Nellie interrupted them, whining for her dinner, so Nick went down to feed her.

When he came back to his room, Charlie had Nick's phone and was scrolling through his pictures. "Oh, don't look at those," Nick groaned, coming back in and sitting down next to Charlie on the floor. "Here, budge up."

"No. I was here first."

He really had the most adorable boyfriend ever. "Um, really?"

"Yeah."

"We're in my room."

"I was here first," Charlie repeated stubbornly, shoving Nick to the side.

Nick's mouth opened in outrage, and he shook his head. "Oh, no. This is war." He launched himself at Charlie, finding all the ticklish spots he knew of.

"No! Stop tickling me! Stop it!" Charlie managed through his giggles.

So Nick kissed him instead, pressing him back into the chair.

They lay back eventually, Nick's head on Charlie's shoulder. "I like being boyfriends," Nick said softly.

"Me, too."

"Let's just spend every afternoon like this."

"Mm. I wish we could." Charlie sighed. "I've got the Paris trip coming up in a couple of weeks."

"Are you going on that?" Nick lifted his head to look at Charlie. "But you don't take French."

"Yes, but Tao and Elle both do, and once they were going ..." Charlie shrugged. Then his face lit up. "But I think there's still room."

Nick had never considered it, but it sounded pretty magical. "The two of us, in Paris? Like an extended date?"

"Something like that."

"That does sound nice. I'll talk to my mum, but I'm sure she'll let me go."

"You don't have to. It was probably a stupid idea."

"No, I want to," Nick said, his hand closing on Charlie's reassuringly.

"Good."

The next day, Nick came over to Charlie's after school. Somehow, it was always a bit of a shock to see Charlie after they'd been apart for days, or hours, or minutes, to be reminded how beautiful he was. Honestly, Nick didn't understand why everyone wasn't constantly crushing on his boyfriend.

They lay on Charlie's floor, Nick on his phone and Charlie reading his book. After a while Nick lost interest in his phone, and he lay there reading over Charlie's shoulder. Until it was too distracting to be this close to him and not kiss him, so he did. Just a quick kiss, on the cheek.

Which, of course, did not remain quick, or on the cheek, Charlie letting the book fall so he could slide a hand round Nick's neck to hold him there while they kissed.

When the kiss ended, they looked into each other's eyes for a long time. Which, when you thought about it, seemed like it should be awkward, but somehow it never was.

"It was nice of your mum to have me over for dinner," Charlie said at last.

"She likes you. And she thinks you're good for me."

Grinning impishly, Charlie said, "Too good for you, maybe."

But Nick wasn't grinning when he said, "Probably so."

Charlie murmured in distress and kissed him again.

This time, when they pulled apart, Nick sighed, thinking of the disapproving looks Charlie's mum always gave him. "I don't think your mum thinks I'm good for you."

"They don't think anyone's good for me. It took them a year to be okay with Tao."

"You can tell them if you want, you know. I don't mind."

"I know. I told Tori."

Nick did grin at that. "I know. She glares at me differently now than she used to."

"Progress."

"Exactly."

"I had a dream that I told my parents," Charlie said wistfully. "And they were okay with it. But ... I don't know. Not because it's you, but—well, anyone, really. They don't want me distracted from my studies."

"I'm not distracting."

At that patent ridiculousness, Charlie lifted the neglected book. "Really?"

"Really. Read it to me." And Nick snuggled in with his head on Charlie's shoulder.

Nick was at Charlie's again, the two of them without even having to talk about it lying down on Charlie's bed to kiss the moment they got into the room.

This was lovely, just the two of them together, but he kept feeling like he was letting Charlie down, not being able to come out properly. Resting his head on Charlie's shoulder, Nick sighed. "I'm sorry."

"You're not supposed to say that," Charlie reminded him. "And why now?"

"I meant to make more progress coming out this week. After the Sports Day thing, it should have been so easy, but somehow ..." No one had mentioned it, much to his surprise. And he hadn't found the courage to speak up, either. Charlie deserved better than that.

Charlie reached for Nick's hand, lacing their fingers together. "Don't stress about it. Wait until it feels natural."

"And if it never does?"

"It will."

"I'm going to tell some people, at least," Nick promised. "Soon."

"Okay." Charlie kissed him again.

Reluctantly, Nick had to go. His own coursework beckoned, his mum had dinner ready, and Charlie's parents were home and not thrilled that Nick was at the house again.

They came down the stairs from Charlie's room and Nick opened the door. But then he turned, the two of them standing there in the open doorway looking at one another.

Charlie reached his hand out, brushing their fingers together, and Nick caught his breath at the electricity. It always felt that way, when they touched, and it made him want to kiss Charlie again. His eyes were closing, ready to do just that, when Charlie smiled, reminding him where they were.

"Go on, then."

Nick laughed, turning away and heading down the walk. He stopped once he reached the sidewalk, turning to wave, wishing he didn't have to go.

Charlie waved back, smiling like he wished that, too, and reluctantly Nick set off for home.