Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

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Nick went over to Charlie's to study after school. As they were getting out their books and papers, Charlie asked, "Where were you for lunch today?"

"Oh, I ate on the hockey court with Tara and her girlfriend."

"Really? How was that?"

"Good. They're nice."

"Yeah, they are."

Both of them put their heads down and started working, stretched out across the floor on their stomachs in opposite directions.

Nick's maths were actually going okay for once when out of the corner of his eye he noticed Charlie looking at him. Staring at him, actually. He lifted his head and Charlie looked away. "What?"

Charlie smiled innocently, like he hadn't been doing anything. "What?"

"You're staring."

"No, I wasn't."

"Yeah, you were." With anyone else, Nick would have been embarrassed, but they had come to accept that they had giant crushes on each other, and he didn't mind teasing Charlie a little bit about his.

Charlie threw a pencil at him. "Do your homework."

But Nick was distracted now, and no longer even a little bit interested in his maths. He pushed the paper aside and turned over so he was sitting facing Charlie. "You know, I was talking to Tara at the rehearsal today."

"Yeah?"

"You heard she came out, right?"

"Yeah, she put it on Insta."

Nick hesitated. It occurred to him that maybe he should have asked Charlie's permission before he started telling people about the two of them. But he had told the girls, and Charlie should know. "I ... told her ... we're together."

"What?" Charlie sat up on his knees, his beautiful smile telling Nick he had done the right thing.

"I told her we're going out."

And then Charlie launched himself at him, wrapping his arms around Nick and knocking him over. "Oh, my God, that's amazing. You're amazing." He kissed Nick, hard, much more forceful than he usually was when he initiated a kiss. Nick was delighted to have made Charlie feel so happy and confident.

Then Charlie lifted his head, and Nick could see the usual fears in his eyes. "Wait. Are you sure you wanted to?"

"Um, yeah."

"You didn't just force yourself because I'm out or anything."

"No, I wanted to tell them," Nick assured him.

Charlie kissed him again, softer this time. Nick rolled them over so that Charlie was lying in his arms and kissed him that way, Charlie's arms wrapped tight around him, his hand fisted in the fabric of his jumper. Pulling back, Nick looked down at him, seeing Charlie's face so relaxed and content. That was a rare look, and he treasured it.

"Was that okay?" he asked softly. "Should I have asked you before I told—"

"They were happy. Surprised I told them, I think." He chuckled. "Darcy said she knew it at the rugby match."

It was the wrong thing to say, though, because immediately Charlie tensed up.

"Don't say it," Nick told him before the "sorry" could come out. "I liked that she could tell. I wasn't bothered."

"You weren't?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Really." Nick lowered his head and kissed him again for reassurance.

Eventually Nick had to go home—there was still homework to do, and it was clear neither of them were getting anything done together tonight.

In the entry as he was putting on his shoes, it occurred to him that he hadn't told Charlie everything about his day. "So, how about the concert tomorrow night?"

"You really don't have to come. It'll be boring."

"No, I want to support you."

Charlie ducked his head shyly. "Um ... Okay, but if you change your mind, that's fine."

"And Tara and Darcy want us to go and get milkshakes with them before it starts. Like a double date?"

"I've never been on a date." Charlie's eyes were shining.

"Me neither." He was glad it was true. Finally something they could do together, as a couple, for the first time. Nick couldn't wait, although he found himself surprisingly nervous to ask Charlie officially. "Want to go on one?"

"Yeah."

They both laughed, looking into each other's eyes. Since kissing in Charlie's entry was tricky because of his family, Nick went for his bookbag instead. "Cool. Um ... I'll ... I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay."

Nick paused in the doorway, looking at Charlie's happy face. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to wrap Charlie in his arms and hold him close and stay that way for a long time.

They exchanged "Bye"s and reluctantly Nick went down the steps, stopping again to turn around and wave.

That night, as Nick and Charlie were texting their good-nights, a new message popped up, a group text with them and the girls. It was from Darcy. "tao and elle should come to our double date"

"Wait, are they dating??" Nick texted back. He hadn't thought so, but he'd been so distracted by Charlie at the birthday party, anything could have escaped his notice.

"not YET they're not"

Charlie texted, "do tao and elle like each other???"

Tara replied, "Elle definitely likes Tao"

"and they'd make such a good couple!!!" Darcy added.

The next text to pop up was from Charlie. "btw they don't know me and nick are together"

"That's okay!!" Tara texted. "We won't say anything."

To reassure Charlie, Nick added, "So now it's a triple date?"

"and tao and elle don't know it's a date at all," Charlie texted.

"we are such meddling gays and I love it" came from Darcy.

It was so nice to have friends that were his and Charlie's together, people they could both talk to who knew them as a couple. If this was what it could be like to be out—this friendship, this feeling of community and support—it was well worth it.

Well, he knew it wasn't always like that; Charlie and now Tara had made that clear enough. But Nick had made the right choice of people to out himself to first, and he had made Charlie happy, and that was win enough for today.

His phone pinged again with a text from Charlie. "have I told you you're amazing???"

Nick blushed. He was hardly that amazing; a really amazing person would have found the courage to do this before now. He typed an apology and erased it, then tried something flirty to duck the guilt he felt, but it didn't come out right. Eventually, he typed "I wish I'd been able to do this weeks ago," and pressed Send.

Charlie's response came immediately. "you did it now" "I'm so proud of you" "good-night"

Nick typed and erased again another couple of times before sending back "Thank you x" and his own "Good-night".