Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Worried

The next morning, they were all up and out the door early, but it was clear everyone had had a good time. As Charlie opened the door to let everyone out, they were laughing at something Tao had said. Wrapped in a blanket, looking all cuddly and adorable, Charlie hugged everyone on their way out. They all gathered by the gate.

Nick, of course, was the last one out, holding on to Charlie as long as he could. They separated, looking at each other. It was hard not to kiss good-bye. Nick glanced at the others, his heart pounding. They'd never kissed in front of people. Maybe they didn't need to start now.

He stepped down onto the walk, making it about halfway to the gate when he decided they did, too, need to start now. These were their friends. All of them knew about them and were supportive. And if two boyfriends wanted to kiss good-bye, that was a perfectly normal thing to do.

Turning, Nick went back to Charlie, took his face in his hands, and kissed him. And kissed him again. And again.

And only stopped when Tao loudly cleared his throat.

Having entirely forgotten the others were there, Nick was a bit startled to look and see they were all staring. And laughing—but with joy.

"I can't believe people think you're straight," Darcy said.

Nick and Charlie laughed, too. They exchanged "Bye"s, and Nick joined the others at the gate. He turned and waved before setting off for home.

He felt as good as he had felt after they went to the beach. Confident, sure of himself, sure of Charlie, and now sure of their friends. Everything from here was going to be easy. Perfect. Nick was certain.

As he entered the house, he got a text from Charlie. "told my parents" "they banned you from sleepovers"

"Well, that doesn't seem fair"

"that's what i said"

"We still have Paris" with a heart emoji.

Charlie responded with three hearts.

Nick supposed they should have guessed that would be Charlie's parents' response. He wasn't entirely sure how his mum would feel about a sleepover, either, actually. Well, they would worry about that after Paris. Maybe once their families saw how happy they were together they wouldn't be so worried. Right now, nothing could get him down.

He only wished he felt that way on Monday during parent-teacher conferences. There weren't any surprises, really, but these things always made him wish he was a better student. David had gotten good grades effortlessly, or so it seemed to Nick.

The teachers said nice enough things, and his mum seemed genuinely pleased, but Nick was less confident than the rest of them that his GCSEs were going to be successful, and he hated the thought of letting her down.

In the car on the way home, he tried to tell her so. "Mum. About the GCSEs—"

"That Mr. Farouk seems to think you're going to do well. He seems like a nice man."

"I suppose. It's just—I'm not so sure ..."

"Darling, it'll be all right." She looked at him. "Really."

He forced a smile. "Of course."

It was a relief to get home and have Nellie there, wagging at him. Such a relief that he didn't notice the blaring TV until David got up and demanded a cup of tea. He'd almost forgotten his mum had told him that David had arrived this morning while he was in school.

"No one happy to see me?" David asked, reaching out to ruffle Nick's hair.

He'd hated that when he was actually smaller than his brother. Now that he was within a few inches of David's height, it just felt insulting.

"Going to stay with Dad next time, eh?" David told him. Nick wished he'd gone there this time.

"We're all very happy you're back from uni, darling," their mum said, hugging him.

"What've you been up to since Christmas? Got a girlfriend yet?" David asked.

Nick and his mum exchanged glances. He could only imagine what David would say about Charlie.

In the silence, David nodded. "I'll take that as an obvious no."

"Stop bothering him, David."

"I borrowed your Nintendo Switch, by the way," David called out as he left the room.

Nick could feel all the tension of school returning to his body. Once David was safely gone, he said to his mum, "Please don't tell him about Charlie."

"I won't, darling. Don't worry."

He was glad she didn't say anything like "he's your brother, he'll understand". Because he wouldn't, and he'd never stop making remarks.

Nick was glad to escape to the privacy of his room with Nellie. Lying there and petting her soft fur calmed him a little, at least.

As he was lying there, a text came in from Charlie. "my parents have banned me from hanging out with you until my coursework is done"

That Charlie had any unfinished coursework was a surprise to Nick. He knew Charlie always blew off any homework he had when there was a chance for them to hang out, but he'd just assumed Charlie was so brilliant he hardly needed time to get his work done at all. And no Charlie time to make up for the nightmares that were the GCSEs and living with David? Nick swallowed against a sudden lump in his throat. "WHAT"

"i'm so ANGRY"

Nick sent a whole lot of sad faces. "First the study hall and now this" "The universe is pulling us apart"

"we are tragic starcrossed lovers"

"We should run away to Paris together"

"bring nellie though"

Nick smiled. He loved how much Charlie loved his dog. "Of course" "My brother came home today" "He's a dick"

Charlie sent a single sad face. "i want to hug u"

They exchanged hearts, and then Nick set his phone down on his chest. He wanted to cry. Everything was awful, and there was no prospect of it getting better any time soon. And he was already exhausted and the GCSEs hadn't even properly started yet.

Closing his eyes, tears slipping out and rolling down the side of his face, he fell asleep.