Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Shattered

Nick waited for Charlie outside the cinema, walking toward him for a hug when he arrived. There was something about hugging Charlie that just made everything better, brighter, calmer, safer.

They went inside the mall hand-in-hand, letting go of each other only once the doors had closed behind them.

On the escalator, Charlie looked at him hesitantly. "Um, are you sure your friends are going to be okay with me being here?"

"Yeah, of course. You'll be fine. Ben and Harry aren't coming. What, are you nervous?"

"I don't know. They all probably think I'm this, like, gay nerd."

"Well, you kind of are a gay nerd," Nick reminded him.

Charlie smiled. "Shut up, rugby lad."

They laughed together, and carried on an animated conversation all the way through the mall and into the cinema, where Nick stopped short when he saw all the lads together—both Ben and Harry amongst them.

Harry craned his neck to see through the others. "All right. Look, Nick and his best mate." They all laughed, and Nick was immediately annoyed. Why was that funny? "Why did he even bring him?" Harry added.

"Oh." Nick was incredibly disappointed. Both Ben and Harry had insisted in the group chat that they were busy this afternoon, or he would never have suggested this. He glanced at Charlie, who had lost all his good humour and looked an inch shorter suddenly. In front of him, Nick was aware that Harry was still talking and the others were still laughing, that stupid laugh that was particular to something Harry had said. "We can go," he said quickly to Charlie.

"No, it's okay."

So they approached the others. One or two said hi to Charlie, but most of them looked at him and then at Harry to see how to react, and said nothing.

"Well, Charlie, come to the cinema, eh? I hope you don't get too scared." Harry grinned at him.

"I'll be fine," Charlie said, his voice faint.

They walked with the group into the cinema. Ben was behind them, and one of the boys asked if Charlie was his mate.

"Never even spoken to him," Ben claimed, and Nick felt a surge of anger fill him. How dare he say that in Charlie's hearing?

"Why can't any of you ever bring a girl with you?" Harry complained, to more stupid laughter.

Nick touched Charlie's arm, pulling him away from the others. "Let's get popcorn." At the counter, he asked, "Do you prefer sweet or salted? Or we could get a mix of both."

Charlie shook his head. "I'm not really hungry, to be honest. You get some, though."

This whole thing was going badly from the start. Nick wanted to apologise, but they really were trying to stay away from that word. He laid his hand gently on Charlie's sleeve. "Char. Are you okay? I honestly had no idea they'd be here. I wouldn't have suggested we come if I'd known."

"Char?" Charlie echoed, smiling.

Nick blushed. He used the nickname in some of his sappier romantic thoughts, but he'd never used it in front of Charlie before. "Uh ..." He cleared his throat. "Wow, that just slipped out."

Charlie's smile widened. "Oh, my God, say it again."

"No."

"Go on."

"No!" Embarrassing as it was, he liked that it had made Charlie so happy.

Charlie stepped a tiny bit closer to him, his voice dropping softly, intimately. "I like it. It's cute."

It was almost like falling, the way Nick's whole body leaned toward him, his eyes closing, already feeling dizzy and breathless. He caught himself, remembering where they were, and smiled teasingly instead. "Now I'm never calling you it again."

They laughed together.

"Hey, lovebirds," Harry called obnoxiously, "the movie's about to start."

With the moment shattered, Nick and Charlie went into the theater with the others, taking seats together, with Nick between Charlie and the rest of the lads. He couldn't believe how terrible his friends were. He'd really thought they would be better than this.

Once the movie started, he forgot about the others. Horror films weren't his favourite, and when the first jump scare happened, he instinctively reached for Charlie's hand for reassurance. He looked down at their joined hands and then up at Charlie, the familiar panic rising in him, but he deliberately left his hand where it was.

Charlie whispered "Sorry" and moved his hand out from under Nick's and off the armrest.

Nick had lost track of the movie for the moment. He wanted to hold Charlie's hand. That was half the fun of watching a movie, anymore. Looking around, he saw that none of the others were paying attention to them, all engrossed in the movie.

Hesitantly, his heart pounding, he edged his hand off the armrest and nudged his pinkie finger between Charlie's last two fingers, feeling the familiar flash of electricity through him as Charlie's finger curled around his.

Charlie looked up and smiled, his eyes dancing the way Nick loved. "You're a dork," he whispered.

Maybe he was. Nick smiled back, feeling so lucky that out of nowhere, he'd found Charlie. He laced his fingers with Charlie's. Interdigitation. Not always romantic, but definitely necessary.

He glanced over, confirming that the others were still not paying them any attention, then relaxed and enjoyed the movie more because he could squeeze Charlie's hand every time there was a scare.

They were the first two out of the movie, ahead of the others. "I can't believe what a wimp you are," Charlie told him.

"Uh, you jumped at all the scares, too."

"No, I jumped when you screamed, that's all."

Before Nick could reply, Harry got between them, slinging an arm round Charlie's shoulders.. "So. Charlie Spring. Quick question: What's it like being gay?"

Nick felt sick as all the animation faded from Charlie's face. "It's fine."

"You don't seem that gay, to be honest. I mean, you do sound sort of gay, but that's it. Do you like musicals?"

Nick put his hand on Harry's shoulder, pulling him away from Charlie. "Harry, can you just piss off, please?"

But Harry wouldn't—or couldn't—let it go. "What sort of guys do you like, then?"

"I don't know."

"What about Harry Styles? He's pretty sexy."

"I guess."

"Just leave it," Nick said. He wanted some of the others to back him up, but they were all hanging on Harry's every word like he was being clever and not just mean. How had he ever thought these people were worth being friends with?

"What about Nick?" Harry went on relentlessly. "Do you think he's hot?"

Nick froze. He should do something, he knew he should, but he couldn't seem to make himself move, or speak.

The boys laughed as Charlie stopped walking and turned to face Harry. "Are you joking? Nick's not even my type."

Nick felt each word like a blow. It hurt terribly that he was the one who had put Charlie in a position where he had to lie about them. And it hurt more than he could have imagined to hear Charlie deny liking him.

Harry laughed, not letting it go. "You definitely have a crush on him."

"No."

"You do." Harry tried to ruffle Charlie's hair, and Nick stepped forward and hauled him backward, pushing him away from Charlie.

"Just stop."

"Wow, take a joke, mate."

Nick wanted to confront Harry, to tell him everything he thought about him, but when he turned around to check on Charlie he saw him walking away. Making everything right with Charlie was more important than Harry, so Nick turned to follow him.