Kaleidoscope (a Heartstopper fanfiction)

Himself

After Charlie had left, Nick went into the kitchen to make himself a cup of tea. His mum was sitting at the counter, doing something on her tablet. She looked up as he came in. "Charlie seems like a lovely boy. When did you meet him?"

"Uh ... couple of months ago." It seemed like longer. It was hard to remember when Charlie hadn't been sitting next to him every morning. "He's in my form."

"He's very different to your other friends, isn't he? You seem much more yourself around him."

Nick turned around, looking at her thoughtfully. "Do I?" he asked. Was that why it felt so different being around Charlie?

"You do."

Maybe that was true. Maybe it was easier to be himself when Charlie was around because he didn't have to impress him or act like a big tough rugby player or talk about things that didn't interest him. He'd been able to say anything that came to his mind out there in the snow, and Charlie had listened and responded and followed the conversation wherever it went. Nick couldn't remember the last time that had happened to him. Maybe it never had.

"Is he coming back?" his mum asked.

"I don't know. I hope so." He really did.

"Good. He's welcome any time." She glanced up at him, smiling. "But next time, I expect a proper tidying, not just shoving things under your bed."

He laughed. "You always know."

"I try to. Pizza and movie night still?"

"Yeah. Sounds good. I suppose you'll want to watch Mamma Mia?"

"If you don't mind."

"No, I like it." He put his mug in the sink. As he went past toward his room, he leaned over his mum's shoulder and put his arms around her and hugged her. "You're a good mum, you know that?"

"Thank you, baby. You make it pretty easy."

"Well, I don't know about that." He let go and went upstairs, where he had intended to do his homework, but instead he lay back on the bed and remembered the day, unable to stop smiling. He hoped Charlie hadn't thought it was weird that Nick kept touching his hair. He didn't know why he had done that, except that it had felt right at the moment.

All day Sunday, Nick couldn't stop thinking about how much fun they'd had. He and Charlie texted on and off through the day, finally putting their phones down only when they were too tired to keep talking.

He was still smiling over the weekend in general when he arrived at school Monday morning. Instead of joining in the intense conversation happening behind him, he leaned against his usual table, feeling generally contented with the world.

As he looked up, Ben walked by. Their eyes met, Ben's face blank, before Ben moved past to join the chatty group behind him. Nick immediately felt some of his contentment ebbing away. He had forgotten that he shared a friend group with someone who could treat another person the way Ben had treated Charlie. Now that Nick knew about him, it felt strangely as though everyone else should, too, and he was disappointed in the others that they greeted Ben like it was normal. Of course, to them, it was.

He should spend more time with Charlie, Nick thought. If being with his friends made him feel this way, awkward and a little angry, then he should try to be with someone who made him feel comfortable and happy and ... himself, like his mum had said.

Digging his phone out of his pocket, he opened up the text thread with Charlie, typing out "Soooo I was wondering if you wanted to hang out again this weekend". Before he could hit Send, Imogen, another member of their friend group, came round his shoulder.

"Who are you texting?"

Nick moved his phone so she couldn't see the screen and turned to her. "Your mum?"

The others laughed.

Imogen frowned good-naturedly. "Whoa. Great joke, Nicholas. Who are you texting?" She sat next to him and reached for the phone.

He pulled it away. "Don't."

"Come on, whose DMs have you slid into?"

"I haven't. God!"

She stopped trying for the phone, to his relief. "Well, okay. Fine." But then she glanced over her shoulder at the others and said, "He's definitely chirpsing someone."

There was a chorus of support for Nick's imagined girlfriend, and he rolled his eyes. Was that all they could think about?

As the conversation behind him turned to something else, Nick picked up the phone, looking at the sentence he had typed, and then erased it. Something about Imogen's reaction, and the response from everyone else, made him feel uneasy. Maybe spending time with Charlie wasn't such a good idea, after all. If the others found out—well, what would they do? Laugh? Probably. Nick didn't mind being laughed at so much, but somehow he didn't think the others would understand how lovely it had been on Saturday, just lying there in the snow and talking. And he didn't want to try to explain it, because that would—ruin it, somehow.

He put his phone back in his pocket, trying to decide what to do. He'd been so looking forward to seeing Charlie in form, but now he waited until the last minute to go inside.

Seeing Charlie's face made him feel so much better, he wished he'd come in earlier, but that felt strange, as well.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, fine, just ... school, you know."

That was all they had time for before the bell rang.

Rugby made him feel better. It always did. After practise, he caught up with Charlie on the way out of the locker room. "Hey."

"Hey. You feeling less stressed?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Do you want to hang out this weekend again?"

Charlie smiled. "Yeah. Maybe we could take Nellie for a walk or something."

"Okay." They went their separate directions, and Nick walked off feeling cheerful. It was half-term already, he was keeping up in his classes and he was going to get another day to hang out with Charlie soon. The world felt right again.