Monster ~a.b

thirty-six

A week later:

I got to my moms house around ten this morning. I wanted to see her, vent to her. Right now, im scared and I dont know what I'm going to do. Austin hasn't talked to me the past couple days and when I told him I was coming here he just nodded and left. Did I do something? Was the other night to much?

"Tell me baby, what's going on"? My mom asked.

"Boy troubles is all. I'm confused". I shrugged my shoulders and took a sip of my coffee.

"This boy isnt Austin now is it"? She giggled and I rolled my eyes. Fucking Katie.

"Maybe". Giving her the fakest smile possible. I love her, but she has a big mouth.

"Talk to him about it. If you think its serious then say it. You're a twenty five year old women with a teaching degree. You're smart". She smiled. "And very beautiful. I could see why he has a thing for you as well". She added and got up.

"Really"? I asked, I felt stupid.

"Oh honey, the way he always touches you, even if it's to mess with you. Or the way he sticks up for you. He's got it bad darling. But he's a guy, he wont show that". She smiled and wrapped her arms around me.

"Has stuff been said that you know this"? I asked.

She giggled. "Boys talk to sweetheart. Mike and him talk constantly about you and Hailey and sometimes Katie which I find weird. That one blonde friend of his is cute but talks to much". She giggled.

"What has he said about me"? I earned for more, I needed it.

"That he feels lost without you. How you bring the life to his soul. Love to his heart. It was very beautiful, I wish I could remember". She smiled and stood up. "But I do have to leave for work. Sarah is moving her stuff in today. And again it's not permanent. Just until she gets back on her feet". She smiled.

"She can stay for as long as she needs to. I might call Troy anyways". I smiled and gave our last hug before she walked out. I walked to my old room and slouched down on the bed. Then dialed his number.

"Lani"? He asked, more concerned then questionable.

"Yeah it's me. You okay"? I asked, then the giggle in the background stopped my questions.

"I'm so sorry, I didnt know I can call later". I said and hung up quickly. My mom was right, hes spending to much time with her.

I sighed, taking a deep breath and called Austin but it went right to voicemail. I felt a tear fall down my cheek, chucking the phone off the bed. What in the fuck did I do? I got up and walked out and went to the basement. I turned on the light as I crept down the wobbly stairs, minding the cold hitting my toes. I grabbed some of my old journals out of bin and walked back up. I double checked the doors, locking all and got in the car quickly. I drove off the back way to his house but turned down the dirt road to the pond I saw yesterday from the balcony. I parked the car and shut it off, i needed space and quiet. Times like these i would use my journal to talk to my dad. I would get I to these moods where I felt like giving up. Like I was useless. I fall to easy when it comes to opening my heart and it's not just Austin. I feel like my friendship with Troy is ending to. Hes to 'busy' nowadays.

"I'm so stupid". I mumbled as I opened one of the books. "So fucking stupid".

I felt my eyes burn again, and just letting the tears fall. "What if he never needs me again"? I wrote, sobbing into the wheel. It was like right on que when the rain started.