Lost Love [H.S]

seventy one

25 December 2021

Waking up to the sound of Sonny's cries through the baby monitor has become routine now that he sleeps in his own bedroom. It makes me sad that he's not as close to me anymore but at 4am he wakes me up, that's what I'm used to.

Harry doesn't even stir, his brain knows the routine by now as I roll out of bed and head for the door blindly in the dark. Opening our bedroom door before heading into Sonny's room which makes his cries begin to settle.

He knows that crying will get my attention and I'll come to get him. I head over to his cot, seeing him laying in his little sleep sack with teary eyes from his crying.

"Hi baby boy!" I whisper down to him, watching a smile appear on his face while his arms fly around happily. "Merry first Christmas, sweet boy!" I lift him up, kissing his forehead before he rests against my body.

With him happy in my arms, I walk back into mine and Harry's room and climb back into bed. I pull my hoodie off from over my head, getting Sonny comfortable in my arms before helping him latch onto my nipple.

He likes to have a little feed at this time before he falls back to sleep on my bare skin and I join him, it's our few hours of bonding time before the girls wake up.

I crave moments with Sonny, I try to spend as much time as possible with him skin to skin just because it's something I don't want to regret not doing more of. I didn't do it much with Capri and I truly do regret it so I'm making up for it with Sonny.

His soft little breaths melt my heart as his eyes flutter shut and he gently feeds with his palm flat on my breast. I still find it mesmerising to watch him feed, it just makes me so happy to be able to have him close to me.

My fingers run through his soft, blonde curls, loving that he has Harry's hair type with my hair colour but I'm sure his hair will go dark no matter how much I want him to stay blonde forever.

When he's done feeding, I burp him and make sure he's in a clean nappy and get him out of his sleep sack before laying him on my bare chest. I pull the duvet back over us both, keeping myself propped up slightly ready to go back to sleep.

Harry rolls over, eyes peeling open and a smile appears on his face. His hand reaches up and cups Sonny's face who's fast asleep on my chest, "Have you fed him already?"

I nod, "mhm." My eyes begin to fall shut because I'm so exhausted.

I feel him snuggle closer, kissing the side of my boob before his eyes fall shut once again and I follow straight after him.

"Mumma!" I hear the door open after Capri's screams loudly, my eyes peeling open as she runs towards the bed with her messy bed hair and a bright smile on her face.

She pounces on top of Harry, him groaning in pain as she wedges herself between us and begins to gently tap my face to wake me up. I peel my tired eyes open, hoping it's a reasonable time to wake up and not extremely early still.