Lost Love [H.S]

seventy seven

3 February 2022

"You're quite small so just get under my coat and we'll sneak the two of us in there." Louis rambles mindlessly beside me while we walk down the corridor towards the room we were directed towards.

Harry's doctor is very sweet, when Louis was asking where Harry's room was she offered to sort Niall and Capri a change of clothes, baby formula for Sonny and some food for everyone. I thanked her for it, she didn't need to go out of her way but she insisted it was fine.

I appreciate it a lot even if I can't convey that right now.

"You're literally the same height as me."

"Oh, fuck off Addie, you're five foot three." He pulls a face, shaking his head completely offended even though he's like 5 inches taller than me.

I sigh softly, leaning more into him and he tightens his arm around me with a soft squeeze of my bicep.

I still feel sick to my stomach, I can't describe how ill and crushed I feel. It's like someone's sitting on my chest, trying to crush me under the weight and I don't know how to relieve it.

I've never felt like this before. Not when my parents died in front of me, not when I was told Matteo had died or when Harry left me. This feeling is so unknown, so painful.

I don't know what to do with myself, I don't think I can cry or talk so I've kept myself quiet. I think I'm in some form of shock? I don't know how I'm going to do things day to day with the kids, I can't put my life on hold while I try to figure out what to do with myself, I have to keep going.

We reach the door, the reality of the situation on the other side and there's no running from this anymore.

Louis gently knocks on the door, pulling the handle down before sticking his head inside and beginning to talk to Anne who's inside. They talk through the gap in the door for a few minutes before he turns around to face me once again.

"Do you want to go in? Anne's going to come out and go find some food, I'll wait right out here if you need me." Louis speaks softly to me, holding the door open with his foot while he waits for Anne to leave.

I take a deep breath, nodding my head slightly despite being terrified of what I'm about to see. I know he's not going to look like he's been stabbed but he'll be hooked up to machines and not moving.

I don't think I'll be able to pretend that he's just simply asleep because I can't just wake him up, he has to stay asleep until his body is ready to be woken up again and that's the worst part.

"Are you sure? Take a minute to take deep breaths first, don't rush." Louis encourages me, sending me a soft smile as I listen and take a couple deep breaths which help my racing heart.

Anne leaves the room after a few seconds, it's obvious that she's been crying but has tried her hardest to cover it up but I can tell. It makes my heart twist because I've never really seen Anne cry, she cried when Capri was born but other than that she's not an emotional person.