Lost Love [H.S]

seventy eight

Warning: I'm going to put a warning here for the next few chapters. You'll most likely be able to pick up on certain, little things with Addie through them so for these next few chapters there will be mentions of depression, addiction and self harm.

Not every chapter will have them in but there might be triggering things throughout <3

4 February 2022

My eyes scrunch open at the sound of soft gurgles and giggles, a headache throbbing through my skull while my back aches from the position I've forced my body into on this  chair.

I immediately squeeze my eyes back shut at the pain my entire body is in but force them back open as Sonny continues to gurgle and squeal from his crib. There's no way I can just continue to sit here as much as I want to, my baby is ready for the day and that means I am too.

The reality of the situation still hasn't really sunk in yet, Harry's not here and he's not going to just walk through the door. He's in hospital, alone and we're all waiting for him to recover so he can wake up.

My back clicks and cracks multiple times as I stretch my limbs out, needing to relieve the aches before I climb out from under my duvet and head towards the crib.

Sonny's laid on his back, squealing once he sees me and his little arms fly around in excitement. I smile at his happiness, ignoring the stabbing pain in my chest as I try to distract myself from my thoughts.

"Good morning, sweet sunshine." I carefully lift him up from the crib, holding him in my arms as he happily squeals and kicks his legs under his body.

With him in my arms, I quickly change him before sitting back in the chair and covering my legs with the duvet. I lift Harry's top off over my head and discarding the comforting smell of vanilla beside me.

I help Sonny latch onto me, smiling softly down at him as he feeds. I keep my eyes on him and focus solely on him to distract myself from reality because I need a distraction.

His brown little eyes stay on me, little breaths leave his nose and I admire his little features carefully. I can't believe I made him, I made something so perfect and beautiful.

I'm so grateful I have a little boy, I always dreamt of having a son rather than daughters. The thought of him growing up is less scary than Posie and Capri growing up, I can't explain it.

The quiet is interrupted when the door pushes open, Posie walking into the room with messy blonde curls and tired eyes. She silently walks towards me, not looking at me until she reaches me.

"Cece's sad." She whispers to me, "she misses daddy and wants him to come home." My lips dip down listening to her, seeing her grow emotional over what she's saying.