If I Stay✔️

61

trigger warning: mentions of suicide, substance abuse: drugs, manipulation, sexual assault, rape, marco, mental illness.

Are we ready for 7000 words of Leo and Charlie?

L E O

— therapy week two —

"Did I ever tell you about my first crush?"

I lift my eyes from the stained mark on the blue carpet beneath my feet and glance at Charlie. My eyebrows furrowed as I took in his nonchalant demeanour: how he leaned back in his chair, spinning it from side to side like a bored child would as he gazed at me with a soft smile on his lips, waiting for my response.

Everything about this moment was confusing for me, especially after our previous one to one session last week. Charlie had been nervous then, extremely so. He fidgeted a lot throughout the hour, and even struggled to meet my eyes. Then, after what had to of been thirty minutes of loud breaths and anxious neck scratches, he apologised to me for possibly overstepping in the group session a few days prior. I didn't engage in the conversation by offering a response and from there, silence engulfed us once again.

"Is this my therapy session or yours?" I mutter out, my voice toneless.

After the group therapy session my trust for Charlie had plummeted to the point that I didn't know if it could be repaired, or if I even wanted it to be. I know that I'd basically told him to share why I was in this place, but I didn't think he'd go into as much detail as he had. I assumed he'd say depression: because, in my mind, depression was the catalyst for everything.

Charlie rolled his eyes and the tension eased a tad, but my hurt didn't fluctuate. "Glad to see that wit is still in there somewhere." He mumbled, "Anyway, I must've been twelve, maybe a little older or younger I can't quite remember. There was this girl—"

"Girl?" I absentmindedly cut him off and raised an eyebrow.

He tilted his head and his eyes widened a little, though not in a shocked way as such. The look reminded me of Carter, specifically when someone had the audacity, as he would say, to correct him when he would claim to be the hottest male to walk this earth.

"Excuse me?" Charlie seemed a little flabbergasted. "What do you mean girl, of course it was a girl. I'm straight, Leo!"

I didn't hide my small gasp. "You're what?"
Not a chance.

Charlie gaped at me whilst I continued to stare at him somewhat wide eyed and unbelieving. This continued to the point that we'd gotten into some kind of staring contest, Charlie being the first to break it as his eyes watered and a long overdramatic sigh left him.

"Fineeeee," He let out a childlike huff and crossed his arms over his chest. "Okay, you got me, I lied. It was a boy."

"Obviously." I snorted.

"It was English class, he was my partner for a pro— wait!" He paused, eyes narrowed. "What do you mean obviously?"

I forced a smirk, ignoring the unease that began to bubble in my gut. "You're not as subtle as you think when you stare at people, Char."