The flip of a switch || Tommyinnit SBI adoption

Chapter 11

***** TOMMY POV*******

Me and Tubbo sat up in our room for a while. We spent time chatting, catching up on all of the time together we had missed. Then we heard Phil calling us downstairs to eat. 

"Tommy! Tubbo! Food is ready!" He shouted.

I looked at Tubbo with dread, I had gotten used to wearing my headphones whilst we ate, and I had explained to Tubbo what they did, but I didn't want to wear them with everyone there, and the idea of eating with them all almost made me feel as sick as the idea of eating itself. Tubbo squeezed my hand, "You have to eat something Tommy," He told me. 

"I know, but... it's just with all the people... I..." I tapped my fingers against the wooden frame of the bed, trying to calm myself down. 

Tubbo grabbed my other hand, stopping me from tapping, "It will be fine. I wish I could do something but we can't risk angering him, especially not with all these people here," 

I nodded, knowing he was right, but that didn't stop my uneven breaths and shaking hands as we crept slowly down the stairs. We walked into the kitchen and sat down next to each other at the table silently. I gave Tubbo a smile, and he reciprocated, giving me a boost of confidence. I had my headphones on my lap. I couldn't bring myself to put them on. I knew that Wilbur, Phil and Techno didn't mind, but there were too many people, too much danger.  Phil had given me spaghetti just like everybody else, he had asked me what I wanted before everyone arrived and I said the same as them, I knew that he was beginning to regret offering to give me different foods, and that this was my chance to appease him before he started getting mad about it. I had been given a smaller portion than everyone else however, probably just because he didn't want it wasted, but I was grateful none the less. 

They started to eat, and it immediately set me off, wincing at all the noise. I took a deep breath and began to eat, small bites, hardly anything, struggling to swallow. After a few mouthfuls I was almost in tears, there was people eating, and chewing, and talking everywhere, and I couldn't leave, or put on my headphones, or tell them to stop, because they would get mad. And I couldn't risk it; for Tubbo's sake. Wilbur was giving me worried looks, and Techno kept glancing over with a concerned expression on his face. Neither of them spoke however, but continued on with the meal. 

I couldn't stand it, the constant chewing and munching was unbearable, it seemed to fill my head, dancing tauntingly in and out of my mind. I had stopped eating now, trying to focus on sitting still, and not running away as the horrible sounds overwhelmed me. I couldn't do it. The noises were everywhere. My breaths were quick and short, and I knew I was moments from a panic attack. The thought of having one here, in front of everyone, increased my panic further,  and so I put my hands up to my ears, desperate to block out the noise, my headphones discarded and forgotten on the floor. I started to hyperventilate, everybody was staring at me, Tubbo was saying something I couldn't hear. I scrambled backwards, away from everybody, until my back hit the wall, shaking so hard I thought I might break. My hands were still clasped firmly over My ears, and I might have been saying something, but I couldn't tell, encapsulated by the overwhelming sense of fear. Tubbo was stood by the wall looking terrified, Wilbur was crouched down in front of him, trying to get him to breathe. I barely managed to say through the panic, "Tubbo... go upstairs," I wanted to get him away from the anger when everyone broke. 

I could hardly breathe now, curled up in a ball on the floor, trying desperately to stop the tears that were rolling down my face.  "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" I gasped for breath but not taking in any air, hating myself for being so vulnerable in front of so many people. My vision was going hazy, from the tears or the lack of oxygen I don't know, but before I knew it, I sunk into unconsciousness. 

********* Techno Pov *********

I watched as he passed out, his head drooping and body going limp on the floor. Wilbur sighed, picking him up and carrying him up to his and Tubbo's room, we had given Tubbo a room of his own, but they insisted on sharing, not wanting to leave each other's side. I knocked on the door, saying, "Tubbo? It's Techno, we just wanted to bring Tommy in here," 

He opened the door a crack, but when he saw unconscious Tommy in Wilbur's arms, he dashed over. 

"Oh my god! He... take him in here." He directed, sounding worried. Wilbur laid him gently on the bed, and Tubbo sat down next to him, looking at his brother's face with concern. 

"Did he pass out from the panic attack?" Tubbo said quietly. 

I nodded. 

"I'm sorry," He whispered, so quietly I barely heard him. 

"What?" Wilbur questioned, confused. 

"I'm sorry," He repeated, louder, "I should have stayed down there to help, I'm his brother... I should have... please don't be angry... I... please don't be mad at him," He finished quietly again, his voice dying as he spoke. 

I was shocked. I had been in foster and knew how bad some houses could get, but this was more terrified than I ever was. I crouched down next to him. 

"Tubbo. I will never. Hurt you. Or your brother. I will never shout. I won't get mad about things that are human. Ok?" I wasn't the best with 'expressing emotion' but the pure rage I felt as I realised that Tubbo thought we would be mad at Tommy for having a panic attack - at HIM for somebody else having a panic attack - was unrivalled. I was Furious. Wilbur assured him the same thing and we left the room, standing in the corridor in silence. 

"I've said it before, but I'll say it again; whoever hurt those kids, IS going to pay. If I ever find out who any of them are, I will NOT hold back," My voice filled with barely controlled rage. 

My poor Tubbo. My poor Tommy. I swore to protect them. Just like I swore to protect Wilbur. To the ends of the earth. 

I BE HOPING YOU BE LIKING THIS MIGHTY FINE CHAPTER! 
HAVE FUN! STAY SAFE! REMEMBER TO EAT AND DRINK AND SLEEP! YOU ARE VALUED AND VALID!

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