The flip of a switch || Tommyinnit SBI adoption

Chapter 12

*****TOMMY POV******

I woke to see Tubbo sat on the end of the bed, staring at me worriedly. Then the memories came back to me, all the people, and then my misophonia kicked in, and oh god the panic attack. I took a deep breath, trying to think past that, but realised that I must have passed out. I sat up, and asked Tubbo, "What happened?" 

He spoke quietly, "You had the panic attack, I went up to our room like you told me, then a while later, Wilbur and Techno walk up, you passed out in Wilbur's arms, they took you into our room, and I panicked a little. I... I thought they would be mad... but... they weren't! And... they said that they would never be mad at us for panic attacks," he trailed off, looking down awkwardly. 

I thought about this for a second. I couldn't trust them, I hardly knew them, but they did seem just so... nice. Even the houses that pretended to be nice at the start weren't like this. I couldn't let my guard down though, it was too risky. I so desperately wanted to trust somebody... but I had Tubbo, and what else did I need?

"Oh, and Phil said he wanted to speak to you, he came up a bit later, he seemed worried," 

This made me panic. Phil wanted to... speak to him? That was never, ever good. Never. I knew full well what that meant, I had managed to shield Tubbo from the worst of it, and Tubbo had luckily never gone into my worse houses with me, so he was oblivious to the pain that was coming. My hand shook. 

"He said to tell you to go down as soon as you woke up," Tubbo supplied, looking at me with concern. Tubbo was well aware that I had been through a lot of physical abuse, that he hadn't. Obviously Tubbo still had it hard, the emotional abuse and abandonment had taken its toll on him. But he had escaped most of the physical abuse thanks to me. He didn't flinch most of the time. And Tubbo knew that there were things he wouldn't be able to understand, having not had the same experiences. This was one of them. "He's gonna hurt you, isn't he," Tubbo said quietly.

I took a deep breath and said, "I don't know Tubso, we will just have to hope for the best," 

"Good luck," Tubbo replied seriously, squeezing my hand, "I will be waiting up here for you,"

We both knew that Tubbo going down could make everything worse, and I would never let him. I was always grateful, that Tubbo never promised things would be ok, or tell me things he didn't know. Instead, assuring me that he would always be there. 

I walked out without looking back, not daring to stop in case I didn't have the courage to continue. When I came into this house, I had nothing. Nothing to hope for, or care about. All I ever had was Tubbo, he was the one constant in my life, and when he was taken... I stopped caring. Probably why I trusted them so much at the start. It wasn't real trust. It was just lack of the energy it took to be paranoid. But now, I had Tubbo. That changed everything.

I walked into the living room where I guessed Phil would be. 

"Hi Tommy," He said gently, "How are you feeling?" 

My mouth felt dry, but I licked my lips and replied, "Ok," So quietly I was surprised that he heard me. Phil had good hearing - noted. 

"Tommy... First of all I'm not mad, I want you to know that," I highly doubted that was the case, but I accepted his statement, knowing that he wanted me in a false sense of security, and that if he thought I was, I would have the advantage. "Why didn't you wear the headphones? Was it because of the people?" 

I nodded, looking at the floor. 

"Tommy, you know you can speak to me, right? Next time, ask me if you can eat in your room. or tell me. I promise I will always try to help,"

I nodded again. Something about him made me feel like I could trust him, but I couldn't! I knew he was lying, and the fact that after all these houses, I was still foolish enough to want to trust somebody made me remember why there were cuts on my arms. Self hatred flooded me, but I didn't react. 

"Could you go and get Tubbo for me please? I will get Wilbur and Techno. I have something I would like to discuss with you all," 

I nodded and quickly left the room, silently walking up the stairs, and into mine and Tubbo's room. He looked up when I entered. 

"He hasn't done anything so far. Just said some shit about not ever hurting us. He told me to get you. Apparently he wants to discuss something with us, Wilbur and Techno," 

Tubbo nodded, and they walked back downstairs together, into the living room, where Wilbur and Techno were already sat, looking nervous. 

"Tommy!" Wilbur shouted when he saw me. I flinched, and moved in front of Tubbo a little. "Sorry. I'm just glad you're ok," 

We went to sit down on one of the sofas. 

"So? What did you want to discuss, Phil?" Techno asked gruffly. 

"Well, firstly, I was thinking, Tubbo and Tommy, How would you feel about going to therapy?" 

At this I froze. 

"You are allowed to say no, whatever you want, but I think it might help you both. It can be either group therapy, the same one Wil and Tech go to, or just you two. Or on your own if you want."

I looked at Tubbo, I really didn't want to, but I knew that he wouldn't accept that. This was a test, I could tell. 

"The group one?" Tubbo mouthed subtly to me.

If Wilbur and Techno already went that meant it would probably be less hassle for him. But they might not want us to go to the same one as them. I frowned, it was 50:50. There was no way I was doing it on my own. Tubbo wanted to do the group one, so I nodded, and he said,

"The group one sounds ok," his voice a little wobbly. 

Phil smiled and nodded, "Ok, I'll book you in for that. The other thing I wanted to discuss was school."

I felt the colour drain out my face, but tried to act normal, I could feel Tubbo trembling next to me, and I shuffled a little closer to him. 

"The term starts in a few days, do you want to go to the same school as Techno and Wilbur?" 

I looked at Tubbo, and nodded, at least then there was a chance of somebody to help us around, and it seemed like the option that would please him the most. 

"Brilliant! Now the bit I needed all of you for; since we have a few days until school starts, do you want to go on a little trip?" 

Wilbur nodded, looking excited, and Techno said, "Sure," 

I nodded, this seemed to be the popular option, and Tubbo followed my lead. 

"Great! I was thinking, the beach, so I will start planning it! We can leave tommorrow, so try to pack your bags today! I will get a bag for you two," Phil said, happily. 

Soooooo BEACH TRIP!??!? 

word count: 1252