Smoke | James Potter

。twenty 。

☆

a few days had passed by since the new year's party and sirius was in a secluded part of hogwarts, astra by his side. the twins held cigarettes between their fingers, talking in hushed tones so they wouldn't get caught by any teachers.

"so, how's remus?" astra smirked, scowling at her brother when he blew smoke into her face as an answer. "seriously, though."

"he's... fine. he's good." sirius mumbled. astra rose an eyebrow for him to carry on. "he said it was a mistake. kissing me."

"oh." astra muttered. "i thought he initiated it?"

"he did, but apparently it was still a mistake." sirius scoffed. "he's so fucking confusing!"

"quiet, you little fucker." astra hissed, shoving him lightly. "how's he being confusing?"

"he keeps flirting with me, being all close and understanding and then he turns a cold shoulder on me and then it happens again." sirius sighed. "and then he kissed me at the party and avoided me new year's day and then acted like nothing happened between us the next day. then! then, when i asked him about it, he said we shouldn't have kissed and it was a mistake and it didn't mean anything! he even tried the 'we were drunk' on me."

"you were both drunk." astra shrugged.

sirius rolled his eyes, "i know, but that still doesn't change the fact i really, really like him, astra."

"i know it doesn't—"

"and i think he likes me to." sirius interrupted her. "but he pushed me away. which he always does at some point, every year."

"have you ever thought about why, though?" astra suggested, blowing smoke from the corner of her mouth so it wouldn't cloud sirius from her vision.

"why what? why he won't speak to me sometimes? why he doesn't want to be with me? why he likes me and kissed me, a lot, i mean he kissed me a lot, but he still won't admit he likes me?" sirius rambled before a small look of realisation crossed his eyes. "oh, i think i have a clue."

"the werewolf thing?" astra questioned, her twin staring at her in shock. "oh, i know. i've known for a long time. and i know you're an animagus, so are potter and pettigrew. i'm not thick."

"but how'd you find out?" sirius asked.

"i'm observant. remus was ill every month and then i noticed it was around the full moon, so it didn't take long for me to work it all out. also, a werewolf is less likely to injure other animals, so i'm guessing you became animagi so you could help him. and you four have stupid little names for one another that don't make it any harder to figure out." astra explained.

"'stupid little nicknames'?" sirius asked, offended.

"padfoot? easy, like the paws of a dog. are you a dog?" sirius nodded. "wormtail? what animal's tail looks like a worm, oh, let me think, this will be so very hard— no, never mind, easy, it's a rat, right?" he nodded again. "moony, that's obvious. full moon, werewolf, blah, blah, blah. prongs was a little more difficult but then i realised the prongs on the head of a stag. is potter a stag?" sirius nodded again and astra sat back in satisfaction. "told you it was easy."

"you're fucking stalking us!" sirius gasped dramatically, standing up to call down the corridor, "help! she's gonna kill me! she knows my secrets!"

"shut up, you absolute twat." astra laughed, pulling him to sit back down.

"no! she's kidnapping me! if i'm lucky, i'll make it out with an arm! she's a savage!" sirius continued, laughing when astra shoved him roughly.

"talk to him about it." astra suggested once they'd stopped laughing. "he might open up a little bit and you'll be able to understand why he isn't ready, yet."

"for someone that tells absolutely nothing to anyone, you know a lot about this kind of shit." sirius mused.

"that's different." astra waved off. "my issues aren't that important."

sirius scoffed in disagreement, "they are!"

"they're not, sirius." astra assured.

"why won't you tell me what happened when you went back for christmas?" sirius asked abruptly.

"i told you, the usual." astra lied.

"no, you're not telling me something." sirius decided. "you're not telling me something, and that something is probably the worst part."

"nothing out of the ordinary happened—"

"you came back having lost a lot of weight, you had bags under your eyes that were basically suitcases, your hair was thinner and you had a new scar on your cheek. you also don't like people touching you." sirius listed.

"i didn't like physical contact anyway." astra shrugged, taking another, long drag.

"this is different, though. usually, you'll roll your eyes but hug me back, but even after you'd come back and not seen me for two weeks, what was probably two weeks of torture, you felt tense under my arms." sirius said.

"i relaxed a lot." astra defended.

"not completely. not like you normally do." sirius continued. "please tell me, i'm your twin, for fucks sake."

"it's... we went, um..." astra started, leaning her head in her hands, pushing her fingers through her hair.

"c'mon, astra. you can tell me." sirius whispered, placing his arm across her shoulders and she leant onto him slightly. "the only thing i'll ever judge you for is your fashion, you know that."

astra chuckled quietly, feeling that burning at the back of her eyes and throat, "we went to the, uh..."

he won't believe you.

"what happened was, that..."

and even if he did, which he won't, it'd still be your fault.

"it was just the cruciatus curse, but a lot more than usual." astra started. "and they wouldn't let me eat for days at a time and when i could it was just a piece of crusty, old bread. kreacher couldn't even bring me anything, mother kept screaming at him when she caught him with a plate of food. she even cursed him so i forbid him from bringing me anything."

"did regulus try and do anything?" sirius asked.

astra rolled her eyes, "don't twist this on him, sirius. he couldn't have—"

"yes, he could. he could've took the attention off of you for a while." sirius mumbled. "but he did nothing? not even bring you any food? he's such a coward."

"he's not—"

"yes, he is, astra, stop defending him!"

"he's scared!" astra replied and sirius finally shut up. "he's scared he'll disappoint mother and father to the point where they'll torture him or possibly kill him. he's only young—"

"we're only older by a year."

"he's only young and he's trying to bite off more than he can chew. he's trying to make choices that he shouldn't have to make." astra explained. "regulus is just scared, okay? stop being bitter."

"sorry." sirius mumbled. he wasn't sorry for what he was saying about regulus, he was still bitter and he would continue to be bitter, but he was sorry to see how everything had affected astra so much. "don't go back there, astra, please?"

"no, i have to." astra shook her head against his shoulder. "at least to know what he's doing."

"but they're killing you." sirius whispered.

"they won't kill me." astra assured him. "i won't let them go that far."

{1225}