21. Zayne

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December 31st, 2021

My shoulder is on fuckin' fire.

Not only does my arm hurt and I can't lift the bitch, but I can barely move my fingers enough to grip my damn phone.

I'm so goddamn annoyed.

All I been doin' is sleepin' despite not wantin' to come face to face with my demons. Between Playboi shovin' tea down my throat every five minutes and Sahara and these damn pain pills and antibiotics, I'm ready to be in Panama, on the beach, not worried about shit.

I appreciate them tryna get me back right but damn. A bitch needs a goddamn break. And on top of allat, I got a bad ass migraine.

I'm layin' on the couch, on my back, waitin' for Playboi and Sahara to finish puttin' our bags in a truck he rented for the day. It's early as hell or late as fuck, dependin' on how you look at it and I'm tired.

"You ready?" Sahara asks as she sits down next to me with my purse in her hand.

I nod and ignore the way my arm tingles. I've been ready for almost two hours but neither one of them want me to do shit but lay here, so that's what I've been doin'.

"Aight y'all. Let's go. Everything is waitin' on us." Playboi smiles and offers me his hand to help stand up.

"I got it." I tell boffum so they can back up and gimme some space.

Sahara shakes her head and walks towards the front door but Playboi don't take a hint.

"My legs ain't broke, Playboi. I'm fine, foreal."

Inside the truck, I can't help the butterflies I feel in my stomach, thinkin' about everything I'm finna leave behind.

Ari, Rozay, Lori and everything else I been runnin' from for so long, I'm ready for a new start. If I gotta stay gone for years til I know ain't nobody lookin' for me, that's what imma do.

I'm just happy I found Playboi again and he's keepin' his word in helpin' me. If I didn't have him, iono what I would be doin' right now.

I'd probably be dead.

"I ain't never been to Panama." I say out loud once we been on the road for half an hour.

"Me either." Sahara smiles and then turns to look out the tinted windows.

With my eyes on every visible tattoo on her arms, I bite the inside of my cheek and allow Ari's words to play over in my mind.

I don't feel like I deserve to be happy though. Like Rozay said, I deserve to be dead just like the three most important females in my life are 'cause of me.

Maybe one day I'll be able to move on the way Ari wants me to. Maybe I won't.

When I finally push my thoughts to the side and look up, it makes me smile seein' Sahara and Playboi have a conversation of their on goin' on.

I got mixed emotions with them two.

On one hand, I want Sahara just as bad as she wants me. But I'm scared. Nah, I'm terrified of what could happen if I go down that road with her.

On the other hand, a small part of me wants Playboi too. Iono if it's him or his money but him comin' through for me got me wantin' to do a split on his dick a couple times.

Somehow, we end up on the jet without me realizin' it 'cause I'm so lost in my own head. When I snap back to reality, everything about the luxurious set of wheels got my blood pumpin'.

"Oouuu, I like this, Playboi." I smile from ear to ear as my eyes take in my surroundings.

"I knew you would. You bein' on this jet means you're mine now. Both y'all." Playboi grins and reaches in both pockets of his designer jeans. When he pulls out two red velvet boxes, Sahara chuckles beside me and shakes her head.

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