My story.

83.

24 May 2015.
12:10 am.

I'm just omw back from a party, I'm tipsy, I think. But I don't even feel good. Because it wasn't that good. There were like two other girls and they're friends of mine but we're not that close. There were like 8 boys, 4 of them quite attractive. The cutest of them left for a pub just 30 minutes ago, and when he left he pulled both my friends in a hug and acted all cute with them and I didn't even got a hug.. It has always been like that and it'll always be like that. I'll never be anywhere near attractive. Never. I'm always the one that gets left out, and I'll always be the one that nobody would notice if they were to leave. Fuck. I'm even crying right now. I hate myself. I try so hard to fit in and be myself but I better stop trying because I'll never fit in. When we left my friends pulled me into a hug, which I really appreciated. We made a promise to go clubbing soon and hopefully people will actually like me there.

I feel so sick right now. Like literally I feel like I could throw up any moment and my head is pounding. When I get home I'll just get in bed. I feel so bad.

Its so hard when you're ugly and you're shy af and not popular.. When everyone takes selfies with everyone but you. When everyone hugs each other, but doesn't mind you. When boys act all cute with all girls around, except you. You want to fit in so bad but you don't ever seem to succeed and everyone forgets about you and you never feel wanted. Its a horrible feeling. I can't even picture myself with someone, because literally every single stranger laughs at me and judges me for what I look like and such.
I really need to stop crying.

You'll never understand how hard it is. I've never been someone guys like..

31st May 2015
4 am.

Been a shitload of time since last time I wrote. Grammar is a real issue atm, I'll apologize for that first. Sooo.. Why I didn't write?

I try not to write, well, I'd rather not write when I'm in a good mood because I get triggered so fucking easy. I've been quite okay all week, few breakdowns, not too much. Right now, it's like 5 past 4 am. I'm in bed, I'm cold, and drunk as hell. Through the roof, I'm not feeling that good anymore. How I got to this point? My brother had a friend of us both over and they went to a party at night. So we just started drinking and we had vodka and all and we were having too much shots and yeah.. Our friend is okay, my brother drunk and I'm drunk as in through the roof, as I said. Luckily our friend is staying over for the night bc he's a cool dude. Anyways I'll try to update every week or something idk. I'm gonna stop writing now? Shitty chapter I know. Love y'all x