16th July
- 11pm -
Okay in the morning my foot wasn't really swollen anymore (I got an infection thats why the pain wouldn't go away) but now its really thick again and it hurts. Even though I get medicines the whole day through .. No I'm not in a hospital but I have to swallow pills. Big. Pills. Damn I'm almost choking when I try to swallow them :/ Well I don't really have another choice though.
You know, those girls across us, those I told you about, are quite ok. Yeah they are bitches but somehow I trust them.
Their family is just beyond perfect. Their dad is beyond perfect. He's so kind, so sweet and funny, and goodlooking. Why can't he be my dad? I could just stare at them the whole day. I wish I had their family.. God, I'm writing this trying to hold back tears. My family is far from perfect. My dad never even tried to be a good one and my mum tries but she'll never be.. It's too complicated. I wish I had a bond with my parents like these girls have. But I can't, because our bond is destroyed.
I feel really terrible but I guess that are just the nights.. Sigh.
I'm just not fine at all. I thought about cutting again and I know it will be the first thing I will do when we are home again. I don't know if its good or bad and I don't know if I even care about that. My whole life is a mess and I have no clue how to clean it up.
I hope you have a goodnight, a better one than I will have x
DU LIEST GERADE
My story.
SachbücherI never wrote stuff before. But this might be my first "story". I think I'm going to write down what I have to go through everyday. I'm suicidial, selfharming and depressed. Maybe writing will calm me down. Let's just try it *** This contains self h...
