My story.

Chapter 50

14th September 2014.

"I'm broken, do you hear me?"

This is real. Nobody seems to notice how bad I am, nobody seems to look through my smile. That is faker than anything.. I need help but nobody sees.

"I'm blinded cuz you are everything I see. I'm dancing, alone. I'm praying that your heart will just turn around. And when I see you on the street in his arms, I am weak. My body fails, I'm on my knees prayin'.

When he opens his arms and holds you close tonight, it just don't feel right cuz I can love you more than this, yeah. When he lays you down I might just die inside, it just don't feel right cause I can love you more than this."

Is about my friends. Everybody always likes them more, no matter how long I have known the people I've invited them to. I'm sick of being everyone's 2nd choice.

This is just one more proof why I shouldn't be here. I'm not pretty and I could just easily kill myself without anyone who cares or anyone who would actually be hurt.

I by the way hate people who are hella pretty and get complimented about it, yet they still deny it. Like hey if you aren't happy with your face, mind if I take it? Jesus people act normal.

"If I'm louder, would you see me, would you lay down in my arms and rescue me.?!"

If I act more obvious would people notice? Would you notice? Or would I be called an attention seeker..?

"You save me, but when you leave it's gone again"

He saves me. Every time again. It's like heaven when we're texting but when he leaves it's gone again..

Because the next minute I'm fucking bad again.

More Than This. This song fits me so well.

So can you guess how I feel today?

Numb. Worthless. Sad. Beyond. Broken.

And that's sums it up.

I just really want to die. It's the only option that sounds good. I wish I wasn't here. life wasn't made for me. That's for sure.

I'm so done. I'm just a mess.

I used the scissors but it's just not enough. I need to cut. I really do. But I can't. I need to stay strong for another two weeks.. :( I'm just done. I just can't do it anymore.

I'm writing this while tears are streaming down my face. My whole body is shaking and my arms are red. My shirt is soaked from all the tears.

I just don't know how to continue.

And there it goes. I can't take it anymore. I'm crying like hell. It's all too much. I can't do it anymore. I'm dead inside.

----

6:34pm and I'm better. I took a bath but I'm still extremely numb. If I allowed myself I'd be crying again but right now I'm faking a smile. because I have to.

Depression is one big hell and it totally destroys me. It leaves me crying and cutting. It cuts off all of my emotions. It makes me want to die. It gives me so much pain.

I've been crying all day, I'm in so much pain.. Someone save me before I save myself.

I can't do this anymore. I really don't know how to continue.