My story.

84.

*I haven't found anything on my new iPhone to make the letters fat or anything like that. If you know how to do such a thing can you pls comment?*
-update, I found it.😂

- 8 july 2015 -
7:06 pm.

Hiiiii guys it's been so long, I'm very sorry. it's just hard for me to continue with this because I'm scared it'll ruin my good mood. It's been a long time and I'm almost fully recovered. I reached 300 days clean last week and I'm so much more happier.

It's been hard though because two weeks ago, Sunday, we went to my grandma. Me and my brother just came back from London with school, which was so awesome! I'll tell you more about that later on. So when we went to grandma, and when we got to her house, the door was locked. Which is kinda strange because she's always up at 6 and she never locks the door when she knows we were coming to visit her. So we unlocked her door and stepped into the house. I was the first to walk to the living room, passing her bedroom on my way. I stopped myself from walking to the living room though when I saw that her bedroom door was open, leaving me with the sight of her foot sticking out of bed. When I walked into the room, I nearly got a heart attack. My grandma was literally dying. She laid there trying to catch her breath, which was very hard. Her eyes were also so far from each other and they were all white and not shiny like they always used to be. To this day, I'm still freaked out by that sight. It was terrifying. Not only because she was dying, also because it looked so scary. So when I saw her I freaked and called for my dad, which panicked immediately when he saw her. He called 112 (911) all panicked saying they had to hurry. My uncle was there too, we had planned to visit grandma with the family, which consisted out of me, my brother, my parents and my two uncles. One of them however was still in church when it happened. My dad told me to go to her neighbors to tell what was happening and I just broke down trying to do so. The neighbors were really kind, the woman comforted me and the man went to watch for the ambulance by the street. So when they arrived we all went to the hospital. The people from the ambulance already told us she wasn't going to make it. So when we got there my uncles (yes the other had arrived too and also freaked) and my dad talked to the hospital people and they showed my fam some brain scans and that was it. 80% of her brains had been damaged. After that she was brought to a room and we were left alone with her to say our goodbyes. It was by far the hardest thing ever experienced. I was beyond broken. I never cried so much. I never felt so much pain. It was terrible.

I just sat on her bed, holding her hand. My dad told me to talk her, because we weren't exactly sure if she could hear us, but there was a change. I actually think she did. I couldn't get myself to though, when I tried to speak I'd just break down again. When my uncles spoke to her, she would move her head towards them. Which also could have been coincidence but personally I think not. So after this we went home for a bit and I just couldn't do it and I didn't say anything. So later in the car back home I finally fixed to say I wanted to go back there tonight to tell her goodnight and all since this day and maybe the next would be the last days ever. The visit hours for us were whenever we wanted because of the same reason. So at like 10 pm we were back. My uncles had left a few minutes ago and the hospital people put my grandma's head in a different way so she could easier breathe. It looked like she was doing better because she even moved her legs a couple of times. It was so hard though because I constantly thought of it as "the last time" and "never again" so I'd constantly break down. And my dad cried so much and hard it just fücking broke my heart. He didn't even call grandma grandma anymore, he'd just call her mum. Which was even sadder. So when we left I managed to get out a 'bye' and a good night. Dad told her we would be back the next day and said goodnight just like my brother and mum. We then left at 10:30 pm. At 11pm we were called, by the hospital. I then knew forever didn't exist. Rest In Peace grandma, you won't be forgotten. I love you so much