My story.

Chapter 55

20th September 2014.

It's 10:41am and I don't want to get out of bed for the rest of the day. I love my bed. And I don't have to face people and it's quite and warm and pretty and I'm okay.

Alot has been going on, especially on social media. But that's more personal so I guess I won't tell.

'I'm just out to find the better part of me.' 'It's not easy to be me.' 'it may sound upset but don't be naïve'

This song is saving me.

So is Niall James Horan. My hero.

I just have to think 'he thinks I'm cute and he loves me' everyday and smile.

And listen to Fireproof. Especially to Niall's perfect voice :)

13 days clean today!! 9 days to go to make niall the proudest man on earth haha.

I can do it.

- 12:00pm -

Ok. I can't do it. I knew it.

I'm just a worthless piece of shit. I'm nothing more. why am I still here. I can't escape this no matter how much I want to. I dropped to the floor and pulled my knees to my chest. I can't stop crying and screaming. I pull my hair and bite my skin. maybe I should just cut and hit a vein. I'm so done with me. I'm just done with living. There's just no point at all.

20th September 2014.

I talked to the boy yesterday and much happened. I'm better after all.

Now there's this boy who wants to get 'some' pics from me and I guess he only wants the dirty and I'm just not comfortable with that. So I send him a message saying That I want to be happy and he cant make me. I'm kinda proud of myself because I can't ever say no to someone.

I'm just going to try and be happy from now on, somehow. I'll see how long it'll last.

Btw I saw 1,8K!!!!! are reading my story. I love you all!

1 am and I can't sleep but I have to. I'm feeling numb and I really should go to sleep before I start crying so gn.

14 DAYS CLEAN YAAAAAY!

8 to go :)

Two days in one I know. Yesterday was just too complicated and I was too exhausted so I just went to sleep.