My story.

day one.

*this is the first thing I've ever wrote and its not going to be a fanfic. More like a diary I think. So please just don't judge me*

Its 8am and my alarmclock starts ringing. I wake up, turn it off and close my eyes again. No I didn't want to get up, not today. Maybe neither tomorrow but let's start with today. I'm exhausted but realise my mum told me to do stuff for her like cleaning the house and if I won't do it.. Well I don't even want to think of that.

I get up, open my window and dress up. Then I slowly walk downstairs (Almost everything I'm doing goes slow, that's just what depression does to you). I decide to first make some tea and while waiting for the water to be on temprature I feed my pets since I think my parents forgot. It are two guina pigs and two rabbits. When I finish I drink my tea and think of my planning for the day: 1 hour work then an hour break and repeat? We'll see if it works. Oh and I also have to workout. Let's get started.

I begin cleaning the house, and I'm already done with it because there are so many spider things and I'm so scared of those animals. Somehow I managed to finish it and fall onto the couch. I'm so done already, I wish I didn't have to get up. I decide to take a break for an hour, read fanfics and stuff. Then I start cleaning the animals cages. Luckily that wasn't too much work.

So before 5pm I'm finally done with everything. I sigh and sit on the couch, planning not do do anything anymore for the rest of the day. At 6pm, my mum is home. She asks if I did the stuff she asked. I say yes and she went to check it. Ok. She thinks it's good and starts cooking dinner. At 8pm my brother and dad are finally home. My brother starts gaming imedatiately and my dad is just being as annoying as always. I decided to watch football, aka some matches of The Worldcup. At this moment, it is 23:23Pm.

I'm gonna describe my feelings aswell. I have daily suicidial thoughts, but I don't want to hurt people by actually going on with the whole thing. I mean comitting. I don't see a point in living. I'm feeling numb all the time, I'm in pain all the damn time.

Depression is like a grey day with or without rain, but there never will be some sunshine.

A better day is a grey day without rain, and a bad day is a grey day with rain.

I cut when I need to, because it makes me calm. I'm sorry if I look like an attention seeker :#. I gave up on staying clean a month ago but somehow I managed to be 3 days clean today. Everyday is a struggle.

*That's it for now, I'll update tomorrow. hope you kinda 'liked' it*