𝐬𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐡 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 | 𝐣𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐭.

𝟐𝟎.

excuse any mistakes...

SEMAIJAH

Grief is a strange beast. You think of them one day and aren't as moved. Despite missing them, you're fine. Another day, while you go about your business, you are hit by a memory of them. Before you know it, you're crying and depressed for the rest of the day.

After parking my car, I took my duffel bag off of the passenger seat, exited the vehicle, and then locked the door walking up to my dad's headstone.

Kazier A. Summers
DEC. 8 1974 — SEP. 17 2015
Beloved Father, Son, Uncle, & Friend

"Hey Daddy, I finally brought myself to come to see you."I chuckled to myself as I placed my hand on his headstone, only to discover dirt on my fingers. "They got you dirty out here but that's okay because I'm here to clean you up."

I removed all the flowers that was on and beside his headstone and placed them on the grass.

"I miss you so much man and I'm sorry that you've been dead all these years and this is my first year ever coming to visit you. There is so much happening in my life right now that I wish you were still around to hear about it all. Although I could always visit your grave and talk to you about them, I wish you were still alive to see it all unfold and tell me how proud you are of me."

I got the water bottle I had packed and started filling it with water. I then grabbed my soap and started pouring some on the gravestone. Finally, I grabbed the yellow scrub and began scrubbing the headstone.

"I'm doing okay and life is treating me good but I'm still not over the fact that you're not in my life anymore and I don't think I'll ever get over that. To be honest, I don't ever want to get over your death. Me and Razzi aren't together and I met someone new. I know you're probably upset about that because you loved Razzi so much."

"You're probably shocked that I even said that we're not together anymore, Yeah we ended up dating right after you died. The first year was amazing but then he started being weird. Daddy he cheated on me so many times, He was so toxic and controlling. I was already grieving your death and being in a toxic relationship just really ruined me overall."

"I don't even want to talk about him. I met someone new, His name is Jamel. He's a basketball player, He's a NBA basketball player." I stated and thought about how my dad would react to that and shook my head laughing "He's nice and you wouldn't believe how we even met."

"We had a one night stand, Yeah your ole girl is grown now and is out here being crazy." I scrubbed his headstone some more, I looked around the cemetery and there was nobody here "And a few days later I have a meeting with my label where I'll have to be in a fake relationship with him."

This shit is still so shocking to me to this day. Sometimes I forget that celebrities that you think are dating for real are just in a publicity relationship.

"Fast forward and now I think I like him. He asked me to be his valentine and everything and of course I said yes, He gets me flowers too. You, Papa and Raylan was the only men to get me flowers. Speaking of Papa, I think I'm going to clean his headstone today too if they didn't clean it already."

"So yeah, He asked me to be his valentine and I can't wait to see what he has planned. I see why people are always visiting their family members graves now, Talking to you is so comforting and I'm definitely coming here more, I can't wait to tell you how my Valentine's Day went."