Sketched Memories of Yesterday (Insomniac Series 1)

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"Uhm, how do I start this?" Inayos niya ang kanyang upo ulit. "Okay, first, I want you to smile and when you did, keep it on your face 'til the rest of the time." Pinilit ko ang sarili kong gawin 'yon. Malapad din naman siyang nakangiti ro'n kaya hindi ako masyadong nahirapan gawin.

"Hey, if you're crying right now, I understand yet I don't know how to make this sound less painful for you. For us perhaps... Anyway, it's been a while since we've spoken to each other. I'm sorry for not being around and not telling you everything you need to know. I distanced myself because I..." She immediately looked up and took a deep breath to stop her tears.

"Because I feel like there's only a bit of a time left for me. Gusto kitang masanay na wala na ako sa tabi mo. Dahil gano'n naman, 'di ba?" At unti-unti nang bumagsak ang kanyang mga luha na kanina niya pa pinipigilan. "Lahat may hangganan. Hindi nga lang natin alam kung kaylan ang eksaktong pagtatapos pero kaylangan natin palaging maging handa. Mahirap pero kaylangan nating tanggapin..."

I touched the camera as if it's her face. My eyes started to cry with her, too. Kung kanina ay blangko ang aking nararamdaman, ngayon ay hindi na naman ako makahinga sa sobrang sakit. But as much as I could, I kept my eyes on watching her. I don't want to miss any second of her video.

"Jacob, if ever the time has finally stopped for me, I want you to know that I have no regrets in this life. Especially that God had given me lots of chances to be with you. He gave me friends that never leave my side and a complete family for a second time. He also built us bridges to be with each other again. The moments... The memories... I will always carry it in my heart just like how you keep us together in your sketches." She forced a smiled.

"I've been in pain for a long time but you being there for me, being loved by everyone I love most, every needle, every medicine, and every ache became bearable. You once saved me from all of my false hopes and by that it helped me live a little longer. But I'm afraid that's just it. The line has finally stopped for me. My time might already stopped ticking but yours will continue. I want you to live more, Jacob, as much as you wanted me to. I may not be around with you anymore but I want you to keep your dreams sailing further as much as you always could. You've done so much for me and it's time to do things for yourself now. And in every single step you take, remember that I will always be proud of you. Don't worry, wherever I am, I won't be alone. I will be with my mom and my brother again... Hey, I will miss you. Well, I always do miss you."

Mahina siyang tumawa. Pinupunasan niya na rin ang luha sa kanyang pisngi at muling inayos ang sarili. "Umiiyak ka pa rin ba? Tama na 'yan. Ang panget mo na, oh!" At nagawa niya pang magbiro sa kalagayan namin. I paused the video for a minute to catch my breath.

She's really good at masking her pain. And that's what I regret sometimes — not seeing enough right through her. If only I knew... Huminga ako ng malalim bago i-play ang video ulit. Tinignan ko kung ilang minuto na lang 'yon at mas lalo lang akong nasaktan nang makita kong malapit na iyon matapos.

"Jacob, thank you for making my life worthwhile. Sa bawat bituin na hinihilingan ko gabi-gabi ay nakaukit ang buong pangalan mo. Kahit saan ako magpunta... Sa kahit anong gawin ko, lagi't-lagi, ikaw... Mahal na mahal kita, Jacob Hendrix Vergara. Maging sa susunod na habangbuhay..."

And the video has ended. I put the camera on my chest and let myself finally burst into tears. Niyakap ko na parang siya 'yon, wishing the girl inside that thing could hug me back, too. I wish some things in fairytales can happen in real life. Like a true love's kiss that can spare one life.