To You ➟ KTH

Crushes

April 25
Sunday
Year 1

"I miss Hanbin," Karin throws herself back on the bed with a pout as we wait for the boys to return with breakfast.

As I pack up my things, I giggle. I'm sad that we're leaving already, but I'll forever carry last night's memory with me.

My cheeks burn as I recall how close Taehyung and my face were. Not only at the concert, but afterwards when Taehyung set his sleeping bag next to mine. Right before sleeping, he had asked me if I truly had fun.

I nodded happily his way.

"Good, then I can sleep soundly." He had responded, and as we both laid down we realized how close we set our sleeping bags.

"Seolli," Karin calls for me, voice laced with her excitement. "Tell me, what song did you like? Would you say you're a fan now?"

I sit on the bed across from her, overjoyed that she wanted to talk to me. I can't let this opportunity pass.

I almost forget she's asked me a question and quickly go over each song that I could remember carefully. When thinking about Illa Illa, I couldn't help but have my smile falter.

I should talk to Taehyung about that if I get the chance.

"T-tangerine had cute lyrics, and the sea of orange was pretty..."

Karin squals in delight and jumps over to the bed I'm at to my shock.

At her proximity, I'm nervous but happy she chose to sit next to me. "Yeah!! I'm so glad that you're into it all. It's set! You're coming with us to the next concert."

"Karin, she said she enjoyed the concert not that she'll become a stan for life," Jiyoo chuckles, leaning back on the bed. She continues to explain, "Karin is a concert fanatic. I think she went to 15 concerts last year alone."

"'Alone' as in 'only' because I never go alone. But so what? I can convert Seolli to a huge fan and take her to concerts with me."

"I-I'd go! With Jiyoo too, of course."

Karin smiles and gives my hand a squeeze. Her hand feels soft and cold.

"Pretty..." I compliment her nails.

She beams. "Really? I did them myself after watching a video."

I look at her fondly, listening to her explain what she bought and how long it took.

Karin is really the overly excited type. She's a little more loud than Jiyoo which explains why her and Jin are always arguing. She reminds me of how Eunha was —bold, small, and bubbly. Similarly, they both had their dark hair touching their shoulders. Karin though had the two front pieces longer than the rest of her hair.

Though they looked similar, Karin could never be Eunha and I wouldn't want her to be. But I'm wondering if I'll become close friends with her like I was with Eunha.

Jiyoo, on the other hand, had really long wavy hair, and wore her makeup very light. She had beautiful features that she only had to highlight them. She dressed more modest with classic accessories. I couldn't help but stare at her at times.

Can I look like her one day?

"W-what do you like, Jiyoo?" I ask her nervously, hoping to include her. I remembered in the train ride we spoke about much she loved traveling to Seoul. But I didn't take the time to get to know her.

Karin blurts out, "Taehyung!"

"Karin!" Jiyoo widens her eyes at her.

"It slipped... but we can trust Seolli." Karin faces me.

I freeze up completely, processing everything. Jiyoo likes Taehyung? Then Jimin likes Jiyoo. But she... likes Taehyung. Taehyung.

"A-ah..." My voice deflates and I feel a strange sense of panic. "I—I won't say a word... to him."

Jiyoo bites her lip and nods. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to know."

I nod, understanding. Crushes are meant to be known only with those close to us, right?

"You're close to him and..." she trails off.

Karin picks up my hand. "We were worried that you and Taehyung might have feelings for each other but now that we know you, we understand better."

What do they understand?

She laughs and I know she doesn't mean anything bad. Yet, I feel a little down. I don't want to rush my true feelings. And this confession makes me want to rush and understand how I really feel about Taehyung sooner than I'd like.

It's not her fault.

"Sorry," Jiyoo apologizes again, "She doesn't mean it like that. And we don't know how you feel about him either, but don't feel like you have to tell us either. Besides, I'm not doing anything about my crush."

I stare with curious eyes.

She shrugs. "We've been friends for a while and I've felt this way since I've met him. I'd rather keep it this way then get rejected."

Karin pokes her tongue out. "Lame. I tell her to just go for it already."

I clear my throat and play with my fingers. "I don't know what to say... I actually don't have experience ... dating. S-so I'm not really helpful." I shrink into myself a little.

Karin lifts an eyebrow in surprise. "Seriously? You haven't dated anyone ever? Single since birth? Do you have a crush at least?"

I turn bright red. I know I'm late and far behind, but it doesn't mean I've never thought about it. That's why I read so much.

Jiyoo sits up and looks my way as if waiting to see if I'd respond.

"N-no..."

"Who's hungry!" Jimin enters the room, mouth cupped. Taehyung and Jin enter right behind him.

Seeing me, Taehyung lifts up his hand and grins.

I look over at Jiyoo who is staring at Taehyung and it makes me realize that she must have been staring at us both with a hurting heart this whole time.

Taehyung walks over and stands in front of me holding a drink and a straw. I'm still frozen in place.

"I brought you some orange juice."

I tilt my head up at him.

"T-thanks..." I slowly reach up for it.

I don't make space on the bed, hoping that he'll sit next to Jiyoo but he surprises me by moving the pillows back and sitting next to me.

"What were you guys talking about while we were gone?" Jin asks while stuffing his mouth with noodles. "Us? And hot much hotter we are than B.I.?"

"You wish," Karin snickers.

"Just girl talk." Jiyoo smiles and looks over at me. I return a smile, though it doesn't meet my eyes.

"That's great!" Taehyung laughs.

I quietly sip my drink and try to tell myself to calm down, but I think it's too late.

I came on this trip to make a friend, and instead I betrayed her.