Distanced

Not making promises

Felix

Well, this was an interesting turn of events, the Lee Minho is standing in front of me right now and damn does he look so fucking good. Doesn't look like he has changed much then again neither have I and it's only been two years. I admit I did think about changing my hair color, you know a fresh start. I know that wasn't an answer to anything and I thought to myself did I really need it?

It may have seemed like I fucked up, but Hyunjin was the one behind everything, sure being kissed by someone other than your own boyfriend should have been a clear sign to push them away and tell them to stop. Hyunjin said he knew me before and I was genuinely curious, I mean why the fuck didn't I remember? But standing there that night Hyunjin telling me everything and him kissing me sent a wave of emotions through me and a few memories.

It felt like the kiss went on forever, but it was only a few seconds but in Minho's eyes it might have seemed like an eternity. Watching him walk away into the night had me broken, not even giving me the chance to explain things. To this day it makes me wonder if he even knows what happened?

Looking at him now I have a feeling he has no fucking idea what happened, doesn't know the story and I have a good guess that him and Hyunjin don't talk. Hell, maybe he ended up like me and completely distanced himself from everyone.

"Minho. It's been a while." I finally spoke up. He stood there looking at me not with anger or hatred, I wish I knew what he was thinking because his face is showing no emotion right now.

Minho took a few steps towards me and stopped. I almost forgot that Heesung was standing right next to me as he cleared his throat. "You two know each other?" Asked Heesung. "Um yeah we were friends." I replied. "Were? Come on Lix, we used to date." Minho spoke up.

I don't think we were given enough time to even date, I know I wouldn't call what we had dating. I'd say call it one of those small vacation flings you know the ones you see in movies all the time, meet someone while you're on vacation and start something but the moment you have to leave you end it. I mean half the time they find each other again anyways and they live happily ever after, but I don't think that is the case this time.

Sure, we crossed paths with each other but there is still so much to be said.

"So, you're the one who left Felix emotionally damaged?" Heesung blurted. "If anything, it's the other way around." Minho replied. I grabbed Heesung by the arm and started walking towards the door but was stopped. "I'm not going anywhere this time Felix. I'll admit I was a coward back then, but can you blame me?" Minho said.

I stood there for a moment and processed what he just said, can I blame him? In all honesty I don't think I can, if I have known anything it's that Minho has been through enough in his life.

He's had it worse than me, I didn't know who I really was, and I was cheated on in my last relationship before whereas Minho was put through hell for years and was abused in whatever ways possible. All he wanted was to find someone to be comfortable with, someone who he could trust and most of all he just wanted to be loved. I accused him of something because I was just insecure of myself and after talking through it, I ended up breaking his trust completely.

I half expected him to yell at me or even just hate me when we saw each other again but here we are, and I have no idea what is going through his mind. Does he hate me? Does he want nothing to do with me? Can he forgive me? Can he trust me ever again?

I can't tell what his emotions are and it's frankly scaring me a little.

Before walking through the door, I turn around to face him. "Can you blame me? You walked out before knowing the story Minho." I spoke up, tears ready to spill. "You're right I don't know the story. You should know better than anyone though how hard it was for me to trust someone though. The funny thing is I actually loved you." Minho replied. 

I could tell he was doing everything in his power to not seem weak, he was trying to stay calm.

"Loved?" I asked. "I thought there was only one person who I loved, and they loved me back, but I wanted it so badly that I didn't notice while I was being used and abused. Just when I thought I could start over again and when I met you, I felt relieved, I was happy but only to be betrayed in the end. I may not know the story but you Felix broke me, call me dramatic or over exaggerating but I find it hard to trust and to love someone. So, when I say I loved you I fucking meant it, these past two years were hard and that night replays in my mind over and over again." Minho explained and finally I could see his emotions.

Minho was hurt, betrayed, he was angry and scared.

I let myself hurt and distancing myself from everyone was a good idea at the time. I went out on my own and got a job, I started dancing again and I found someone who I could be myself with again. I know it wasn't going to replace everything I had but it let me forget just for a little bit.

"You helped me find who I was supposed to be Minho and I will forever be grateful for that but most of all you made me love. We both had terrible pasts and I won't ever compare mine to yours because I know...I know it was awful. At least I can say I love you and not loved you." I could feel the tears falling down my face and I was trying my best to stay strong.

I didn't even notice that Heesung was no longer by my side, he must have slipped out a bit ago. Hearing any of this he would pry think I was some horrible person or some shit. I know I will have to explain some things, we might live together and have been friends for a long time, but he doesn't know everything.

Minho walked up to me and stood just in front of me our faces inches apart, he brought his hand up to cup my cheek wiping away my tears with the pad of this thumb. "Felix, I wanted to hate you and I wanted to be angry but after a while I couldn't. I knew I loved you after the day we were in that town whether you did or not. Loved and stopped loving are two different things, I'm still hurt, and I don't know what is going to happen now, but I will be here for a week, and I will be seeing you every day." "I guess we will have to get along then, I won't make any promises though." I whispered softly.

Minho chuckled slightly and walked past me towards the door "I'll see you Monday."