Distanced

Too good for the other

When Heesung kissed me, he held on to my waist and it felt different in a way. It's not bad by no means but nothing will compare to when I was with Minho.

I have to except the fact that things are different now and I may never get the chance again, Minho was my first boy I guess you could say and that will always be special. I knew I said before I wouldn't have minded if me and Heesung actually slept together a few nights ago but now that I think about it, I'm not so sure.

I pulled him closer to me so I could feel him against me, Heesung definitely wasn't holding back right now that's for sure. I could feel his fingers slip underneath my shirt and graze my skin and they were cold to the touch. I ignored the feeling and continued kissing him, I knew things could get out of hand really quickly if I wasn't careful.

Heesung was everything a person could wish for in a partner, he was sweet and kind, he could make you smile in an instant and could wash away all your fears. He's the type that would show up randomly at your workplace with flowers or bring you lunch, he's the type that would plan a real date and not some cheap ass version of one. He deserves all the love and attention and I know that won't be me, knowing this he still acts like its nothing. It's as if he knows the day will come when I won't be there anymore and he's taking every day until then like it's his last.

"You always play with my heart Felix." Heesung whispered against my lips. "I know." I replied cupping his face in my hands. "But I know I can't have you. I will take every minute though I get with you." "Make it count."

Heesung moved his lips down to my neck, sucking and nibbling at the skin slowly making his way to my collarbone. Moaning softly his lips were back on mine, slipping his tongue in my mouth exploring every inch. His hands reached down and grabbing my ass with one while the other began to palm my dick.

Pulling away from the kiss I rested my head in the crook of Heesung's neck.

"He-heesung..." I breathed out as he moved his hand to slip inside of my pants, stroking my dick slowly. Heesung moved his other hand and grabbed me by the chin to kiss me again.

I let my arms reach around his neck moaning, bucking my hips into Heesung's hand.

"Looks like someone has an urge." Heesung whispered into my ear licking and biting my earlobe.

I couldn't resist and let out a loud whimper causing Heesung to smirk and God it was so fucking hot.

Heesung removed his hand from my dick causing me to let out a small whine. Damn it has been way too long despite only being with Minho the one time, now two years passed, and I only had myself to satisfy my urges.

Heesung moved his hands to the waistband of my pants and tugged them down, I lifted myself just enough to pull them off and tossed them to the side.

I was quickly pulled by my ass, moving closer to Heesung he continued to kiss me. While enjoying the heated kiss Heesung sneakily slipped a finger near my rim.

As my breath hitched at just the touch I began to grind down on the tip of his finger.

Pulling away to look at me Heesung just smiled. "Way to eager Lix baby." Slipping his finger in I stilled at the touch but began to grind down on it once again.

"H-heesung... ah..." I whimpered.

"Want more baby?" Heesung teased as he kissed me. With my eyes closed I nodded.

Heesung slipped another finger in making me moan loudly. He began to scissor me, sliding his fingers in and out as I grinded down onto his knuckles.

"Fuck Lix baby you are like the perfect gift to me." Heesung whispered.

I pressed my hands against his shoulders and pushed myself off of him, grabbing my pants and boxers I ran to the bathroom.

Well, I guess I managed to finally freak out, just hearing him say those words reminded me of the night I had with Minho or the very early morning I should say. I told Minho that I was his gift, and he should unwrap me and God I don't know what had gotten into me then, but I knew it was true. I was his gift as he was mine and it was Christmas morning. We were the perfect gifts to each other.

Hearing Heesung say I was the perfect gift to him just brought back memories; I'm sure we would have gotten farther if it wasn't for those few words. It's not even his fault, maybe I wasn't even fully ready yet.

"Lix, come on what happened? Open the door." Heesung said through the door.

Looking in the mirror at myself I don't see me, rather I see a person who has lost too much and fears they will never get back what they lost.

I didn't want to fall into Minho again, I didn't want to be pulled in, but I have a feeling Minho will win. I'll see him every day for a week and that's not including seeing him at our friend's wedding either. He knows how to get to me and right now I don't know if I want to be sucked back in or not.

I took a deep breath and opened the door, looking at Heesung now and looking down he has a massive hard on and can't even deal with it properly. "You should deal with that first." I pointed towards his dick. Heesung looked down and sighed pushing past me and into the bathroom closing the door.

I made my way to the kitchen and grabbed a drink.

A few minutes later Heesung was right next to me, pulling my arm I turned around to look at him. "I'm sorry." I whispered. "It's okay Lix." Heesung cupped my cheek. "No, it's not I thought I was ready, but something then reminded me of when I was with him." "With Minho." "Yes, and it scared me, freaked me out and kind of made me angry." "I honestly wasn't expecting us to go that far even, you could have stopped way before then. I wouldn't have minded."

I looked at him, I could feel the tears streaming down my face. He shouldn't have to mind; he should be able to freely feel intimate with the person he cares about.

"Heesung, I know you've wanted this for a while. You should be able to have what you want without settling for just having me as your 'company'." I spoke. "Felix, I know the situation and I'm a grown ass man who can figure out if he wants to just have you by my side while enjoying you or to have you by my side while knowing I will get hurt in the end. I would rather get hurt in the end but still knowing there were times when I was the reason for your smile and being your friend has been amazing." Heesung explained.

He knows he will get hurt in the end but still chooses to be here with me. I definitely don't deserve him.

"I don't deserve you." I sobbed. "No, I don't deserve you. You are too good and too perfect; you are a beautiful soul who was caught up in a mess." "I like you Heesung I do. I hope you can still see me as your friend in the end." "You are here now still, and I'll always be here. Besides we have a wedding to crash and I'm going to be the best damn date ever." Heesung chuckled.

I smiled just enough to let Heesung know I'm okay, deep down though I'm broken into a million pieces. I don't want things to change between us though.

"Still hope this don't change much, I kind of like kissing you." Heesung smirked. Indeed, it's nice kissing him, it won't ever replace Minho though. Let's not let too much change. "Besides Minho seeing you in good spirits and happy will make him want you more."

The question that keeps popping up in my head...do I want him to want me again?

Heesung gently kissed me, and I let it linger for a while before pulling away and looking at him. "Why are you so good to me?" I asked. "Because no one else will put up with you." Heesung smirked. 

I playfully swatted his arm, and he wrapped me up in his, resting my head on his shoulder I breathed him in as his scent calmed me just a little bit. "Thank you Heesung." I said softly.

"Now let's make you even hotter than you already are. We will be the best-looking ones there at the wedding." Heesung chuckled. "I guess I am in need of a new hair style, maybe color even?" I pulled away looking up at him. "Hmmm...I know the perfect color too. You will be a force to be reckoned with."

I guess it's time for the new look new me thing huh?