EUPHORIC | t.s.h

part fifty

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꒰ Visions of Gideon ꒱

Sufjan Stevens

Louis ran up the stares and panted as he found the door to Divs' room shut. He sighed and gulped, taking a moment before going in.

Louis opened the door and there sat Divs, she wasn't crying, she wasn't sad. In fact she showed no sign of anger either.

"Divs-" Louis tried to say, but his voice cracked. This had already happened before. There was a strong sense of deja vu for both of them in this situation, Louis really couldn't loose her again.

"Don't." She said calmly. She looked up at him and sighed. "Don't say anything."

Louis stood there motionless and silent.

"I trust you Louis." She muttered and looked up at him. A smile spread across his face and he immediately sat down on the ground in front of Divs. He held her hands and kissed them with unconditional love, gently and softly.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry Divs. I love you- I'm so sorry." He kept mumbling between the kisses and she smiled down at him faintly.

"I know you do Louis, I know." Divs placed her hand on his cheek and he sat down on the bed next to her. "I wouldn't be surprised if Y/n came onto you."

"I don't think it's entirely her fault." Louis admitted and she frowned. "I could've pulled away."

"It's okay." Divs assured him. After their first fight, she knew Louis wouldn't do something like this to her. She trusted him and at the moment Louis couldn't be more thankful that she understood.

"I'm kind of worried about Y/n." Louis said as he met Divs' eyes. "She had a fight with Tom."

Divs remained silent. The two nervously looked around thinking of what to say about the situation.

"I don't know Louis, she's been terrible to us lately." Divs finally said and Louis nodded.

"Yeah she has. Do you reckon she'll get better?"

"I hope so, I miss her." Divs said regretfully. She had spoken for all of them, everyone missed her dearly. Though they did not know what went wrong with her. The sudden change in clothes, the company the kept and not to mention the scandalous shit she was recently getting involved in: they were all worried.

"Okay let's forget it." Louis said holding his girlfriends hand . "What about we do something fun."

Louis smirked at Divs and slowly began to climb on top of her. Divs too began to giggle and smirked.

"You nasty little shit." She chuckled and allowed him to completely lay down on top of her. "I love you loser."

"I love you too."

>

A week had passed and Tom hadn't heard of Y/n. He could've called, but he knew she wouldn't pick up. He would've gone to her house, but he felt that she'd only shut him out. He had grown impatient, he didn't know how to fix this.

Everyday for that one week he looked at the empty space besides him, how she usually slept to his left with her soft hair falling on her face, and her eyelids resting peacefully. Tom had confided in May, and though she had been utterly disinterested she had advised him to simply talk to her in person.

Y/n hadn't shown up to school and the window to her room remained closed. At times Tom tried to get a glance through it, but all he saw were slightly scratched blinds covering his view. And of course, there was no use climbing the window either.

It was finally Sunday, and he couldn't wait anymore. He had to go talk to her. He had to fix this.

Tom knocked on the door to the Wheeler house hoping for Y/n to open, but there was no answer. He tried multiple times, yet still no answer. Then simply Tom decided to open the door, who knows it may be open? Fortunately, he was able to break in and enter the house.

A strong smell of alcohol filled his nostrils, stronger than the smell at one of those late night parties Tom attended. Tom walked to the living room seeing if Y/n was sitting somewhere besides her room, and he was surprised to see Brandon lying on the couch. He looked as if he had passed out, multiple bottles of beer scattered on the ground. Plenty looked as if they had been lying there for ages, what was going on?

Worried, Tom climbed up the stairs to Y/n's room and his eyes widened. From her slightly opened door he saw her sitting in the corner of her room, on the floor and clearly not sane.

Everyone in this house seemed to be drunk, the air was dreadful and sad. Tom hurriedly entered the room and his heart ached to see her like this.

"Y/n, what are you doing?!" He quickly sat down with her and held her face. "Are you OKAY?!?"

Y/n looked at him emotionless, not a single sign of delight to see him. Tom quickly took the bottle of alcohol out from her hands and began to take her in his arms.

"Y/n? Y/N!" He looked at her eyes, trying to find even a small hint of emotion, but he saw nothing.

"What are you doing here?" She said, her speech slurred. The moment those words came out of her mouth, Tom became assured of two things. Y/n was definitely drunk. And perhaps that their relationship would never be the same again.

"You're drunk." Tom said taking off his hands from her and standing up.

Y/n moved her head side to side, her drowsy eyes nearly closing. She mumbled something but Tom could not hear it.

"This is not like you Y/n." Tom looked at her in worry, his throat began to feel slightly tight and he felt as if he would cry. Y/n was unconscious, unaware. She looked at Tom but it wasn't like the other times she had looked at him, there was no love in her eyes. She sat there before him but he felt as if she was miles away.

"Don't act like you know me." She said drowsily. "Go away."

Her words lingered in the air, he felt them pierce through his soul. This was not like her at all. Y/n would never drink, she would never says these things what was going on.

"Y/n you're drunk!" Tom yelled picking up the bottle she had been drinking from and raising it up for her to see. "You need to get a grip! You've been drinking for fucks sake! You don't mean this."

"We were drunk when we slept together, I guess that was meaningless too." Y/n mumbled unconsciously.

Tom silently looked at her in regret.

"Go away." She repeated. "I don't want you."

His heart sank deep, he felt himself give in. This wasn't true.

"You don't mean that Y/n." He tried to tell himself more than he told her.

"I don't want you anymore." Y/n said slurring again and looking directly into his eyes. Her falling eyelids still emotionless and loveless. "Leave."

He didn't try again, Tom simply bit the inside of his mouth and gave her one last glance. Her motionless body was dreadful to look at, she was not who he fell in love with.

Tom left the house and walked across the street. He stood in front of his own door and looked down at the bottle still in his hands, the bottle he had from Y/n's room. A sudden rush of anger came up to him and he threw the bottle to the ground. With a loud noise the glass broke into pieces, the shattered bits scattering at his front door travelling as far as the street behind.

He looked down at the pieces of glass and saw no reflection of himself, just the shiny glass reduced to the smallest bits. He took out his lighter and the pack of cigarettes he always carried from his pocket. It was no surprise that he had only one cigar left. He threw the box somewhere on the road and lit up his cigarette, blowing into the air. He tried to keep in his tears, his silent tears but they wouldn't hold back. His eyes felt wet and before he knew it a few drops had rolled down his cheek. His eyes watery and weak. His lips and hands quivering as he smoked.

Y/n was not the same. And he didn't think he would be either.