You Deserve Better

⇒ CHAPTER SEVEN

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit

Ace
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Drinking. The very thing that will be my downfall, the very thing that is my downfall already takes its early effect.

I can't remember much from last night, that might just be for the best. The sun beaming down on my face from the small sunroof makes me blink myself awake.

I dare to open my eyes and It all comes flooding back to me. The Drinking, the smoking are made clear by the cups and empty bottle's laying around her dirty apartment. The smell of alcohol is enough to make me want to get sick.

I feel a cold breeze hit against my chest and I quickly realise im naked. Ugh, that means... I turned my head to see Raven beside me naked as well. Her dark hair falling all around her face.

Our nakedness revealed to the light. Making me want to crawl into a hole

All of this. Its all an escape, sure people tell you its fun and its just what you do when you're young but im tired of this. It's sickening at this point. I need to start again, i need to be freed from cycle.

And it needs to start from leaving Raven, I know the connection we have is toxic but how do i leave the only thing I've ever known? How do i turn away from my escape?

I groan into my hands sitting up on the rough bed, letting all of my regrets fill my stomach along with whatever else took its place there.

I hate the flashback moment that i have the second i sit up straight, it flashes in my mind like im being punished.

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"How many more times can we expect this from you ace?!" My father shouts in my face, the same old phrases, the same old tired voice. The voice of a father giving up.

I glare at him, arms folded across my chest taking in all of his wicked scorn, He doesn't know. That's the only good thing to possibly come out of this whole thing, the fact that he doesn't know that the man i put my hands on was his wife's abuser.

Nobody knows, nobody needs to know. And not for their own sake but for my mothers sake. Im sure this is the last thing she would need.

I can't even process the fact that she was abused at all. The fact she had to go through that alone... it kills me, the fact I couldn't be there to protect her the way i wanted to, the way i needed to.

My gut wretches at the feeling of disappointing yet another person, my tongue itching for a drink to take this feeling away and cringing when i realise this is a Christian event, no alcohol.

"You need to get this addiction under control, and you need to get it done now." My body which was once peaceful has changed to wanting to attack in a second.

"Its not an addiction, how many times do i have to tell you that! I just drink from time to time like everyone else whats the big deal!" I yell so loud im surprised nobody else walks into the room out of shock.

"Dont give me that ace! How many times have i heard that same excuse before and nothing has changed. You are constantly getting into fights after fights after fights what else are you letting me believe"