𝕖𝕡𝕙𝕖𝕤𝕚𝕒𝕟𝕤 4:32
𝔹𝕖 𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕕 𝕥𝕠 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣, 𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕥𝕖𝕕, 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕚𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕣, 𝕒𝕤 𝔾𝕠𝕕 𝕚𝕟 ℂ𝕙𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕘𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦
𝙴𝙳𝙴𝙽
✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾
It's 2:00am. 2:00 AM! And I can't sleep, serenity is knocked out already judging by her snoring on her side of the room but a familiar enemy keeps me up.
Sin has no time awareness, no care for feelings, no compassion for your sleep. It doesn't even care that you're beside your best friend! It wants to kill, steal and destroy. And it's more awake tonight more than ever.
It feels like a fight is happening inside of me, my earphones are in and I've been listening to Gospel music for the past 30 minutes trying to calm my urges down. I haven't masturbated for almost a week now!
The longest time not falling into this sin in a long time, but the devil knows that, that's why he's back again tonight.
It's dark in my room, nothing but my phone screen and the phone screen that shines bright in my face, my fingers shake at how tempted my flesh is for satisfaction,
This feeling comes like an itch that must be scratched! If it's not scratched it continues to taunt me and terrorise me, I thought i was strong enough to go head to head with this feeling again but the way that voice screams in my ears to touch myself tells me im not.
I can't help the tears that welled up in my eyes, that feeling in my throat that makes it close up, my mind is so clustered with this thing telling me to open that website, look up the site I normally run to when i need this,
It's not a sin... it's just you pleasing yourself.
Open that website, look for five minutes, just five minutes.
Everyone does it, it's natural. Doesn't the bible say the Lord doesn't condemn you if you are in christ? You won't be condemned just do it...
I want to scream! My flesh wants to give in so bad. My legs shake at the temptation, I don't want to give into it, I don't want to do this again!
I bite down on my lip to stop from crying out loud and waking serenity up. The covers are over my head, the voice gets louder and louder,
Do it...
It's natural...
It's better than having sex, at least this is just you.
Nobody is watching.
Im lost, i feel like im in the middle of a forest with nobody there but me and these voices echoing from every side of me. The tear's stream down the sides of my face until they hit my pillow.
They only turn into puddles when my fingers turn off the gospel music, they switch to something more sexual. Like the devil wants to silence God to make me enjoy this more.
It feels like i am being controlled as my fingers swipe to that app that i usually use, and i am disgusted by what i look up, even more disgusted with what i see but I don't look away,
This urge is so strong, not even a rubber band could stop me.
Instead my hand reaches a point of me that makes this whole thing official, i failed God again.
YOU ARE READING
You Deserve Better
Romance"You know people always say, God never makes mistakes but..." Ace begins, "You ever think of all the things God created, the high skies, the endless seas, the eternal gardens... You ever think of all the things he made, You were the one mistake tha...
