Psalm 121:1
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth
𝙴𝙳𝙴𝙽
✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾
"Let me drop you home." A dark voice rings in my head as the enemy continues his never ending taunt on my mind
"Get home safe." Ace's raspy tone plays back right after his other words... tempting me to do what i haven't in a long time.
My skin heats when i remember his light touches on my skin, the feeling of his lips pressed to my forehead is permanently scarred to my body like a tattoo.
I swat my forehead trying to forget it all, pretending like ace isn't slowing breaking my walls down one by one.
Serenity is gone only God knows where leaving me alone in our dark dorm room. I continue to tell myself no and no a million more times, not allowing myself to fall weak to what the enemy is doing.
Butterflies fill my stomach with the rage of a million storms as they bash themselves against every corner of my insides, i lay a hand on my stomach smacking it to calm myself down all the while ace's voice plays over in my head over and over.
Why does his voice have to be so masculine yet so comforting?
I quickly let out a loud groan when i realize ace's burning lip prints also marked my hands when he kissed them. It's like my whole body has been taken by ace Davis and i can't risk that again! Not when i told God i would do better.
My eyes water when the voice gets too loud in my head, now it doesn't feel so much like the pleasure i get from ace, but rather the pain that i get from the enemy. I can foretell the guilt i am going to feel after doing this all because i am not strong enough to say no to the stupid enemy!
It feels forced, like a war is going on inside of me as part of me battles against my hands reaching to receive the pleasure God meant for a certain time. Tears stream down my eyes as they drop down my stomach...
What is wrong with me? Why can't i just stop!
My eyes close shut tight before i hear a ding on my phone that frightens me so much i almost jump out of my skin. My body shoots right up from the bed with a speeding heart rate and sweat starting to form from my forehead.
I pull the covers off of my body aggressively and look around each end of the room urgently, the fear of being caught is what nobody warns you about. I don't care how normalized this all is nowadays, when you have the Holy Spirit you know it's not self care, it's actually damage to the self.
My minds drifts off before my phone dings again, reminding me of what distracted me in the first place. I grab my phone in a scurry, feeling the pulsing of my heart through my hands as they grip tightly onto the phone.
I click it on and a harsh bright light makes me squint to see what's underneath...
A notification from my bible app...
James 4:7
Resist the devil , and he will flee from you.
YOU ARE READING
You Deserve Better
Romance"You know people always say, God never makes mistakes but..." Ace begins, "You ever think of all the things God created, the high skies, the endless seas, the eternal gardens... You ever think of all the things he made, You were the one mistake tha...
