You Deserve Better

⇒ CHAPTER FIFTY TWO

𝐀𝐂𝐄
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JEREMIAH 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

The room's energy stills. My mind is racing, and my pulse is pounding in my ears. Watching Zeph lay his hands on Stephanie's stomach, seeing the presence of the Lord settle into the room-it's all so surreal.

My father has turned his attention away from the couple still on their knees praying with Zeph and put it onto a clearly nervous Eden. Her eyes haven't stopped bulging since she entered the room I can't take my eyes off her. She is standing there, stiff as stone, eyes blown wide like she's just seen a ghost and with what just happened in this room, she might as well have.

She's never looked this way before, never this shaken, not even when we buried her father. I can see the fight in her, though. She's trying so hard to hold herself together, trying to act as strong and confident in this as the rest of us are but I can tell it's slipping, piece by piece, like she's barely hanging onto the bit of faith she has left.

My hand's itching to reach for her, to give her something solid to hold onto. But I stop myself. I have enough understanding to know that the thing she's running from is not something that wants to harm her, it's someone greater than i am. So I just stand there, watching her, hoping she'll find her way in the midst of all of this.

"Eden," Dad says, voice low but clear, "why are you afraid?"

Eden's eyes drop, her voice wavering. "I... I don't know-I should be used to all of this stuff by now. I mean, it's a good thing, I just... I just don't know." She trails off, her gaze stucked on the floor like she's searching for answers there.

My father tilts his head, his expression unwavering, like he's looking straight through whatever is stopping her from receiving this. His voice comes out, deep and steady, a tone that's almost calming but holds an undeniable glory that can only be God speaking through him.

"Child, you do know," he says, his words lingering. "There is a purpose in you, one you've been trying to run from. A purpose that's calling out, louder than ever, now that you're here."

Eden's shoulders tense, like she's holding in a thousand things she wants to say but can't find the courage to let out. Her arms wrap around herself, a shield against the weight of my father's words.

" I want to be ready for this, I just don't know why it's so hard! I use to be completely different, I used to be confident in who I was- now it seems like everything is just different. When it comes to my faith it just feels like I'm a stranger in my own body"

I feel a pang in my chest watching her struggle to get the words out. Her voice is raw, a mix of frustration and hurt, like she's tearing down walls she'd built up just to keep herself safe and is just now learning you can't build up walls with Jesus.

My father's gaze doesn't weaken.

"Sometimes, the closer you are to purpose, the heavier the weight feels," he says gently. "The enemy would not trouble someone who isn't destined for greatness. But God's not asking you to carry this alone, Eden."

He says looking at her hands like there is a heavy grace upon them.

"You know sometimes, we get so occupied with doing all of these works for the Lord we easily forget that it's our faith that saves us."

"Your problem doesn't start with the fact that you 'changed' or the fact that you aren't as strong in your relationship with Christ, Eden- the problem is that you are so stuck in the past that you can't see where God is taking you-"