You Deserve Better

⇒ CHAPTER THIRTY- EIGHT

John 8:12

"I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Zephaniah

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Why is it so dark in here? Theres a bitter cold breeze that grazes my skin making the hair on the skin of my arms raise.

I can't see a thing but my loss of hearing is unfortunately made up by how magnified my sense of hearing has become. My breaths pick up as i hear footsteps nearing my body. I can feel my head turn urgently to the left then to the right trying to find where the sound is coming from but being blinded by nothing but blackness.

The footsteps get louder... and then closer until i can feel myself running panting for my life, the wind hits against my body as i run so hard it starts to feel like fire is brazing against my skin.

I can't get away fast enough, the steps are faster and before i know it i feel a touch on my shoulder

"Zephaniah?!" I blink my eyes rapidly rushing my body up to the headboard of the bed with my eyes burst open when my vision is finally restored,

"Calm down honey, calm down." My ears hear her voice but my heart clearly doesn't get the message by how fast it pumps,

My skin is dripping sweat and my body feels like its been burnt by a raging fire, it feels like I'm about to pass out and i know exactly where it comes from.

They tell you when you murder somebody, the only risk that you're facing is jail time. Sometimes I wish that was the consequences that I was dealing with daily.

Because what they don't tell you is that you go mad, if there is such a thing as spirits, they haunt you every single day, even if the person that you killed deserve every bit of the torture.

Gradually, you feel yourself being chipped away at every single day, like you're losing yourself, and there's nothing you can do about it. Slowly start to wish that you were locked up instead of having to deal with this.

I rub a sweaty palm over my face to try and find out where I am. With a few blinks Im quick to notice the small room that is dim as the light is off.

The comfortable bed i have wrecked with my anxiety and the crib in the corner of the room. Even in the darkness my mind doesn't let me forget the baby blue wallpaper with its distinct yellow ducks printed on it.

The creepy baby plastic toys that light up in the middle of the night and the baby monitor at the side desk just above the drawer where i shamefully once hid my glock.

The same weapon threatening my dreams every night.

The voice of the familiar woman has gone and i wonder for a minute if i dreamed it all up, i know i heard it...

All is revealed when I see Stephanie rushing back into the room that they had once is designed for the little baby boy, they thought they were going to have.

She has a towel in one hand and a bowl of cold water in the other. She speed to the bed beside me, getting on Her knees at the bedside and dipping the white towel into the cold water.