You Deserve Better

⇒ CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Ephesians 4:2

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love

Disclaimer, this chapter deals heavily with lust, the message is at the end :)

𝙴𝙳𝙴𝙽
✾✾✾✾✾✾✾✾

My stomach has been doing turns ever since i got home at the thought of what in the world I'm going to tell my baba.

I know when i went to go and see ace at the hospital he thought it was for his peace of mind, but in reality it was for me as well. I dont know what it is about him that even his presence when he pushes me away is better than most.

Just to get to be around him, knowing that even in his worst state, even with bruises covering him from head to toe even when his words first tell me to leave him... he still cares enough not to want me to go.

Flusters spin around my body when his words ring through my body again... his raspy voice leaves me light headed and his words mark me.

"You have all my attention."

"All of it?".

"However much you need, Eden. Take it all."

And he meant exactly what he said... when he gave me all of his attention, it made me feel like the only girl in the world.

It doesn't help that the intoxicating scent of his fresh cologne stuck to my body after he took me in his deep hug.

Its been a matter of days but i still can't forget it.

How can one be so intimidating and cold yet so gentle and warm at the same time? That's the thing with ace... he is a puzzle desperate to be solved.

Although I don't know where this leaves us. If there even is an us to start with. The prospect makes my whole body weak. I don't know what could happen with us, if he even likes me that way or what if he's just playing with me.

God... what am I going to do! I think I'm interested in my complete and total opposite. Someone who I shouldn't want, but I desperately need.

And it doesn't help that last night was just another night of a mistake for me. A night where i did what i promised i would never do again. But this sin has a hold on me!

I wanted it to be the last time my fingers reached, the last time that i gave in for that desperate moment of pleasure but it wasn't and I wasn't strong enough to say no.

And now I'm wondering how do i get myself out of this absolute mess that i have created. So I suppose that's why I'm here... writing to you in my diary, hoping n praying that you will help me out here.

That the last time this time really is the last time. That i never masturbate again. Because i want my innocence back and i want my purity back and i desperately want to be the old me again.

Its hard to believe there was a time where I didn't rely so heavily on things like this. I miss it, God i need it. Forget everything else, i need-

My body jumps at the loud knock on my door,

"Ọmọ-binrin ọba." (Princess) My baba's deep voice rings through losing its tone with his growing age.