Starless Sky (Constellation Series #1)

Chapter 31

Chapter 31

NYC

I'm doing well.

Even though it was terrifying, I made a stand and engaged in an uphill battle for my soul, 
my body, my spirit, and everything else that 
matters in my life.

I became less concerned with what people 
thought about me, and more concerned with my own improvement. 

I became so weary of the panic attacks, 
unceasing crying, "what ifs," worries, and lackof confidence. I had a gut feeling that there was still a lot left for me to achieve.

Kung dati ay confident ako na kaya kong gumaling without therapy, ngayon ay hindi na. The moment my condition kicked over and over again, Kesha's parents did not asked my permission, and just gave their psychologist friend here in US to cure me.

PTSD was not a simple mental condition. This shouldn't be ignored in the first place. It's controlling my mind, and there's nothing I could do but cry.

Wala na akong kaso sa mga lalaki na nakakaharap ko. Hindi na ako natatakot. Sa ngayon ay nightmares na lang ang meron ako na isa sa mga sintomas ng ptsd.

Kaunti na lang at magiging maayos na ang lahat.

I cut off all my connections with my friends before I flew to the US, but my mother and siblings were the exemptions.

I wanted to heal by myself that time, and I think communicating with them would make it hard for me to stay on the other country. I blocked all of their social media accounts, and I changed my phone number— of course I'm in another country. Sinabi ko kay Nanay na huwag magbibigay ng impormasyon sa kanila tungkol sa akin dahil gusto kong magpagaling ng hindi ako nakakaabala sa ibang tao.

It was really hard leaving them without a word, I just left Ly a letter. I can still clearly remember it. She's my closest friend. She knows everything about me. It's breaking me hearing that she's willing to waste the opportunity to take LET just because of me. I messaged Dike and Athena for the last time before I fastened my seatbelt.

To Ly,

I am writing to say goodbye and to express 
my gratitude for having been a friend of 
yours. You know that I am leaving.
I cherished your support at all times, 
especially during this tough time of my life. I've always thought of you as a sister because 
you're always there right by my side through ups and downs.

And as I bid you goodbye with a heavy heart, I hope we get to meet someday in the future, and as the same kind-hearted person you are. Thank you once again for all that you’ve done. As you start a new life, I hope you achieve your dreams and endeavours.

Wala na akong masabi pero ipangako mo na magte-take ka na ng LET. Please, don't wait for me. Kapag kaya ko na, pangako, susunod ako. I love you, Ly.

Celeste

Sky... The night when he sang for me was the last time we talked. I also left without a word with him. He told me that night that he will send me to the airport, that was his last request. Pero ayaw ko siyang mapagod at hindi ko rin kayang umalis knowing na papanoodin  niya lang akong umalis.

Samantalang hindi ko na rin pinaluwas sina Nanay dahil hindi ko rin kayang makita silang umiiyak. I know I was too much, but I just want to have a peaceful departure.

They knew that I'm at the US but they doesn't know what states I am living.

Wala akong ibang kinakausap kung hindi ang wala pa ring malay na si Kesha at ang baby sa tiyan niya. Minsan ay simple lang ang sinasagot ko sa parents niya kapag mag-uusap kami.