It Wasnt My Fault (DNF)

Part 1: Chapter 1

I woke up to my brother flying around the room too quickly for me to focus on with my tired eyes.

He always did this, despite me telling him that it made me nauseous and gave me a headache.

I sigh, getting up and putting my AirPod into my ears, shuffling a playlist he and I had made together.

It was composed of songs that were special to me and him, despite how cringe or childish they were, they always brought me to tears in a way that made me feel better.

It made me feel better today because today was Ken's birthday.

It was the 2nd birthday I'd be spending without him actually here.

The thought made me tear up, but I tried to hide it from my ghost of a brother.

He didnt need any more trouble than what I'd given him in his lifetime.

Despite a lot of people sending their condolences and telling me that it wasn't my fault, I couldnt believe them.

It was my fault, and the sooner they come to terms with that, the easier it'll be for me to talk to them without hearing words telling me it wasn't.

I wipe my eyes, walking hurried towards the bathroom before I caught the attention of the ghost.

As soon as I lock the door, I'm sobbing, my back turned to the mirror, not wanting to see myself break.

I thought back to the past two years without my brother.

He'd left me money so that I could get by, written in his will for custody of everything to be handed to me effective immediately, and I cry harder at the thought that he'd expected something like this to happen.

I missed my home.

I was still in the apartment he'd made our home, but without him, it was just another place, just like every other place I'd stayed.

Why'd he have to go.

It was selfish, but why did he have to die? Why my brother?

He'd been nothing but selfless his entire life.

If only I could return the favor.

But I couldnt.

Not anymore.

And for that I was also at fault.

We'd gotten so far, nearly had it, came so close to our dream of freedom. Of living together.

He always teased me about finding a love interest once I'd gotten to high school.

I had finally gotten there. And... he died... on the second day.

He left me against his will.

Nothing had ever kept Ken from getting back to me. Not my parents, not work, not the countless injuries he'd gotten for the insurance of my safety.

He'd always driven, walked, limped, even crawled back to me to make sure I was alright.

And even though he was here currently, I wasn't alright.

I could see through the lie that this world cursed few of us with, just like I saw through the transparent body of my brother that this world had damned.

I begin breathing heavily, trying to gain control again.

I wash my face and brush my teeth, avoiding the mirror and the reflection I despised.

Walking out the door, I'm met with the guilty face of my brother, and how I wish I could so much as smack him for it.

He looked stupid.

I smile weakly towards him, having the gesture be returned half-heartedly.

Grabbing my bag and walking outside, I sigh, pulling my hood over my head, covering my face from the onlookers that listened to my sobs that day.

I didnt want their sympathy again.

So i hid from them.

I didnt want compassion when there was a reason behind it.

I didnt want the kindness that disguised their pity.

I didnt want their sympathy when they didnt have an understanding, nor a want for it.

Walking out the lobby and into the blistering streets of Florida, I immediately check my surroundings, my brother 'standing' attentively at my side, protective as ever.

I had been paranoid ever since Ken had di- left that my parents would find me and take custody over me again.

I couldnt allow everything Ken had worked for to be in vain.

My happiness was his life's work, and I'd let him down.

I couldnt abolish his work on his life's goal: my safety.

As I walk down the street, I'm overtaken by yet another memory of my brother.

"Ken, will we ever find a way out of here?" I asked as my wounds were treated by my brother.

"Of course." he answered without hesitation, his light brown eyes hardening into a look of determination.

"Im not going to let you live your life like this like I have. I want you to actually have friends, to at least have someone who gives a damn about you. I don't want you to have what I had for so long. Your safety is my priority, your happiness is what I'm working for." he answered, smiling stupidly at me, yet keeping his tone serious.

I punch his shoulder jokingly, barely touching it in case it was hurt.

"I give a damn about you, Ken, you have to know that. I'll take a bullet for you too. I want you to be happy, too." I say, the nine-year-old minded me thinking that I had any power over the situation.

He just looked up at me with a small smile from his kneeled position in front of me.

His eyes were watery, searching mine, the light browns piercing my dark pupils, his face earnest and guilty as though he knew something I didnt.

I'd peered at him, trying to keep my expression neutral, trying to communicate to him my own willingness for his content.

I was young, but I knew that Ken deserved everything that he'd ever given and more.

I sigh, the memory fading away as I gaze almost angrily at the coffee shop filled with people that were happy.

Why did they get to be happy when they knew nothing of the sadness the world could inflict.

It was their fault, too.

It was everyone's fault.

First official chapter, pog.

If you have any questions about this au, please let me know, alright.

If you have any ideas or preferences for how you want this story to progress, let me know and I'll do my best to add it to the story at some point. I'll tag you if/when i do.

You're all the best, stay awesome!

Luv u!

1076 words