It Wasnt My Fault (DNF)

Part 2: Chapter 49

Clay pov (ooo serious)

I knew I shouldn't have.

Everything in my instincts told me not to..

Astro told me not to...

But I did.

I needed something to take my mind off of my distress, but I didnt want something that added to it.

My mind was in shambles as I gazed at the weapons before me, the light shining from the open door of Astro's room.

I was terrified.

Everything came crashing down.

Every thought I'd kept trapped in the smallest spaces of my mind escaped and expanded to consume my attention.

George didnt trust me, he just lied.

He didnt love me, he was a farce.

Astro hadnt killed off Viper's gang, he was only here to sell me back into her clutches.

He was only here to wait.

Wait for me to be at my weakest.

Or wait for me to be comfortable just to strike again.

It happened every time.

Every time I thought I was safe, something set me back.

Sent me back.

Back into the same kind of confinement I'd been kept in my entire life.

The basement by order of my mother, the cage by order of Viper, and now this fucking apartment at the will of George.

He would hit me like he hit Astro.

Gods, I was so scared.

I couldnt interfere when he had pounced on the sandy-haired man.

I couldnt move and I couldnt feel.

I had become a statue, looking on as Astro was at the mercy of George's wrath.

I could only thing that I would be next.

Next.

Next.

Next.

What came next?

I didnt want anything to come next, no more chapters, no more events, no more lovely little lies.

Love.

I loved George.

Even in the haze of emotions that sent me crumbling to the ground beside the Glock and butterfly knife on the table beside me, at the center was always my love for the brunette.

I couldnt ignore that, and I fought, clawed, through all the other thoughts that clouded my vision to get to something I thought I knew.

Thought.

Please, just stop all the thoughts that swirled around my conscious, creating small spots in my eyes.

Please, end it.

Stop it.

I couldnt think, and yet I couldnt stop thinking.

I was so confused, nothing made sense.

Nothing in my mind made sense, so why did I believe it?

Why did I believe?

Why did I believe for a second that I knew what love felt like when returned?

Why did I believe for a moment that I was safe in this fucking apartment?

Why did I believe for a time that I could live in peace?

Why did I believe for a while, however short, that I could live?

Why did I still believe now that nothing bad was going to happen?

Everything bad was happening now?

I was scratching ferociously at my forearms, trying to hurt myself in any way possible so that I might return to earth.

I was screaming bloody murder, yet wanting to crawl into the silence of me bed and stay there forever.

I was thinking past what I thought was possible, the panic attack surprising me no matter how often they occurred.

Because that was another secret I kept from George.

The panic attacks that accompanied me into the bathroom.

I was scared of the room at this point.

No matter what, the air always suffocated, the shower water always lost in speed to the tears that fell down my face, and the bubbles would always try and hide the shaking of my hands as they lathered my body.

I hated it, but I had to keep the secret.

George had once told me about his brother, about his personality.

"He's never scared. He's never fazed. He always stays completely calm, even when he's about to be beaten. Even when he knows he's about to be in pain, he somehow still is able to give me that smile, it was stupid to me at the time, but that fond smile is what I think I miss the most. He always seemed to be okay."

I hear the front door open and a foggy echo of George calling my name.

I wipe my tears, being consumed by a trance once again, my face falling emotionless and my screams coming to an abrupt end as my emotions were cut off.

I walk out of the room, closing the door soundlessly, walking to the living room to meet my boyfriend, making sure nothing seemed to be wrong.

He met me, a smile on his face that I knew was fake.

I smile back, my face a considerably better farce of fondness than everything his expression holds.

"Do you want to go out on a walk with me?" he asks, but I dont hear him.

"Yeah, sure, let's go." I say, not knowing what he'd proposed, but agreeing without a thought, not knowing if it was the right answer.

He walks over to me, grabbing my hands and kissing me sweetly.

I kiss back, able to feel something good for the duration of the gesture.

He pulls away, dragging me through the door as he begins to talk.

I cant listen to him, answering dryly as we walk, feeling as though I'm floating.

I was listening to something, more so someone else.

The voice was back.

Alright.... Yeah... we had Dream pov held off for these next two chapters explicitly.

You'll see, but get ready to cry...

Much luv 🫶

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